My two cents. Ha ha, get it?

I was tuning pianos today, which inevitably makes me think... a lot. I mean really there's nothing else to do. You can't listen to music. There's never anyone to talk to. You have to use both your hands... so lots and lots of thinking.

I wish my brain had a record button too. This week and next week I'm spending 8 hours a day just tuning pianos, so I could fill up volumes of books with all the myriad of useless information that passes through my brain during that time.

Of course towards the end of the day it's usually something very similar to this:

"MAKE IT STOP!!! I don't want to hear another freaking note for the rest of my life!"
"Relax, Steve-O... tiring, yes, but at least we're getting paid, which is better than what we normally do with our time."
"Why, though? Just tell me why? It'll never stay in tune... what's the point? What's the point in LIVING?"
"Do you not shower just because you'll get dirty again?"
"I haven't showered for a few days. So?"
"Tu che."

This is me tuning my very best. No it's actually just a joke but no one ever seems to realize that all the strings are broken.

Today though I was contemplating about how orchestras will always tune before each concert. I always played percussion in orchestra so I never had to do anything then, but I've come to realize that having the whole orchestra, or even just sections, tune all at the same time is kind of pointless.

I had to tune at the Piano Gallery once when another technician was working at the same time, along with some little kids playing on the pianos in the store and I thought that my head was going to explode. Imagine a whole orchestra making noise right in your ear. I don't care what people say... no one can really get there instrument in tune in that setting.

I guess I see things differently because my idea of "in tune" means that it's within a 10th of a cent, or 1/1,000 of a half-step. When I listen to professionals tune their instruments, a lot of times they only get it within 2 or 3 cents.

But I can never tell if they don't know, or they just don't care. Or maybe they know that I do know, and they just like to bother me. That's what Hell must be like.

The sad irony of it all is that I can't sing in tune to save my life. And the sad irony of that is that I was in the BYU Men's Chorus for 3 years. However I do enjoy the fact that at least I am well aware of my out-of-tune singing, so I'll never accidentally lie to myself.

Actually I think if I had the choice, I would choose to be able to sing really well and not realize it.

ACTUALLY, I think I would choose to be able to sing well and realize it, so then I could walk around thinking I'm the shiz, and I'd actually be right.


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