My new couch-bed-dining table!

L.A. seems to have this underground couch exchange constantly going on that I just became aware of last night. Evidently, if you have a couch that you no longer want, you can just put it out on the curb and then whoever wants it can just come along and take it.

Someone in my ward gave me a call last night because he knew that I don't have any furniture at all except for my keyputer, and someone was moving out just a couple of blocks from where I live and no longer wanted their old poopy couch.

I had just barely gotten home at the time, so I ran over to where it was, grabbed the cushions and ran back to my apartment, laughing like a bandit the whole way.

I then ran back and grabbed one of the sections and tried to laugh like a bandit as I carried it awkwardly back to my place, but it was a little more difficult than I had expected, so my laughing was more of a grunt. So then I called the guy who tipped me off, and he came back with his truck and helped me move the rest of it.



Admittedly, it's one of the ugliest and least comfortable couches I've ever seen, what with it not having a back or anything, but I think that with a few well placed blankets/couch covers, and some new pillows to act as back cushions, it could be a nice addition to this place. I covered one piece with a tapestry that I have, and I think it would look okay if I can find a couple more like it.

Beggars can't be choosers. I'm just happy that I can sit on it.

I can't wait for Winter.

I have a few goals that I want to accomplish here within the next year or so, the newest of which is to move somewhere that has good reliable air conditioning. I find that there simply is no escape from the horrendously annoying heat that permeates this crowded city.

However, since that is not currently an option, I had to get creative yesterday. I spent the whole day sitting at my... studio?...computer?... I don't know what to call it. Since it's not really a studio, but it is indeed a combination of a keyboard and computer, among other things, it shall hereafter be known as my "Keyputer."

So I was sitting at my keyputer the whole day working on a short film for somebody, trying to be creative and write music without getting my keyputer all messy from my own sweat. I suddenly really like to say "keyputer." It's catchy. So I went to my room looking for some extraneous fabric, and the best I could find was a couple pairs of old boxer-briefs, which are clean, but old nonetheless and I don't really use them anymore.

So I got them all wet and put them in the freezer. I then spent the remainder of the day wearing said frozen boxers on my head to keep me cool. When one would start to warm up, I would just go to the freezer and switch it with the other.

It wasn't too bad. I mean it's not perfect, but it certainly kept my head cool and allowed me to focus enough to get some work done. It's about 80 to 85 degrees in my apartment all the time. I prefer it to be about 65.

Keep in mind that I live alone... in fact I didn't see a single soul the entire day. But I imagine that if someone walked in on me they'd be a little weirded out when they saw me sitting there recording music in my PJ's with boxers on my head.

The good news is that in the midst of all my boxer wearing I got the opportunity to utilize my new-found guitar playing skills. I'm working on a short western style film, which I've never done before so it's a learning experience for me, and I'm actually having a lot of fun with it... not to mention that I'm getting paid. That's always a plus.


---

80's party.

I went to an "80's party" last night. I obviously didn't dress up, for the following reasons:

1. I hate the 80's
2. I certainly don't own any 80's paraphernalia
3. I still don't feel comfortable walking down the street in LA dressed normally, let alone dressed as a weirdo.

But when I got there I actually felt like it was more of a costume party. I got to meet some cool people and I took a few pictures.




There were some other pretty sweet get-ups but I felt awkward taking pictures of people that I don't know.

Other interesting attractions included a vintage, original Nintendo hooked up with people playing Mario Brothers, lots of wretchedly horrible 80's music, couches to sit on... something you don't appreciate until it's gone... and some very delicious food.



---

My non-hard-to-read blog.

As I was sitting on the floor eating my cheerios this morning, I was reading the back of the box and I noticed this:

You'll notice it says "... cereal helps makes it..."

It hurts my feelings to see typos like that. People always like to argue with me when I point out grammatical or spelling errors, but this time, it's indisputable. A legitimate typo that's probably been printed hundreds of thousands of times.

Not to mention that they're already making up words that seem to be geared towards the lowest level of intelligence in our society, like "non-challenge."

That's their campaign at the moment: "Eating Cheerios makes lowering your cholesterol a non-challenge." Brilliant.

That makes me wish I had been there to watch them come up with it. The reason I find it so amusing is because it sounds exactly like something I would say in a brainstorming session for the sole purpose of being funny.

THEM: "Well, let's emphasize that our product makes it easier to lower your cholesterol. People think it's more challenging than it actually is. It's not a challenge."

ME: "Yeah. It's like, a non-challenge."

THEM: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stop being so silly, Steve. This is serious."

THE GUY IN CHARGE: "No no, wait, I think he might be onto something here..."

In other news, I've officially lowered my standards, involuntarily, because I had to buy bottled water. Such a scam. I can't believe it. My whole life I've thought that bottled water is the dumbest thing ever invented, and yet so many people pay good money for it... often times more than they pay for almost any other liquid, including gasoline, milk... even drinks that consist of stuff added to water, like pop and juice.

But it was either that or die of lead poisoning. I figure I'll just do it until I run out of money, and then die of lead poisoning.


---

Life, and all its ups and downs

So I always thought that BYU had the monopoly on ridiculously talented, and possibly unhealthily addicted, frisbee players. You know what I'm talking about. Ultimate Frisbee. It's like a crippling disease in Provo.

Well, tonight, my eyes were opened.

I went and played some frisbee with a bunch of people from the ward here, and I've never known the game to be so extreme. They all had cleats, they brought cones for the end zones, and the part that I really didn't see coming... they had formations.

I never knew. I mean even some of the best people that I played with at the Y didn't do that. But these guys have it down to an art form. They make formations in the middle of the field and then branch out to the sides and they're very particular about it. After about 15 seconds they realized that I was not one of them, so they stopped the game to teach me.

It changed my world forever, and I still feel unworthy to call myself a frisbee player ever again.

Actually I didn't end up playing for very long because I rotated out, and then I ended up having a deep theological discussion with a girl who came that is not a member of my church. First time that's happened in like four years. A nice change of pace.

Wait, there's more. Today the landlord's assistant, Mr. Nickles, came by and dropped off a microwave! Best day of my life! I can actually eat frozen burritos now without them being frozen! How often does that ever happen? Eh? Eh?

Which brings me to my next point... what on earth does it take to be a notary public? or whatever you call them... I had to get a document notarized today so as to make all my car problems float away like a butterfly, and the closest place I found was some guy that doesn't hardly even speak English, and he had me translate for him after staring at it for like 10 minutes. He put information in the wrong spaces, wrote his entire address as "Los Angeles", and then finally just stamped it. With a stamp that just says his name and address.

Charged me 10 dollars.

WHY? What is the purpose of this? Anyone can do that! I could have done it. Evidently the state of Washington thinks it's imperative that I pay some guy from India to stamp my paper, which literally says nothing more than this:

"I have read this paper, and I have stamped it."

Now it's good to go! Now it can be sent to the DOL in Washington where someone can actually process it and make some sort of purposeful result. But without that stamp? Hopeless.



---

La la la la la la I sing to keep from going insane.

Well I finally had my first job interview today. It went well but I never count my chickens before they hatch. Ever.

In fact I usually try to assume the very worst so I have only to be pleasantly surprised, no matter what happens.

And, unfortunately, I won't get to know much about this particular job for a week or two. But that's okay because my entire life I've always wanted to be an extra in a movie, so I think I might look into doing that pretty soon. Or at least as soon as I get my car registration sorted out. I swear it couldn't possibly be more complicated.

I'm no B Walker, with all manner of flow charts and such, but here's a simple description of why California is dumb:

• Take car to be registered in California
• Can't register until passes SMOG check
• Due to California's unrealistically high standards, no 1991 Honda Civic will ever pass their SMOG check.
• Car fails the SMOG check.
• Must take car to be smog repaired.
• No mechanic is willing to do it. Evidently it's impossible.
• Car cannot be registered in the state.
• Soon my tabs will expire and my car will be towed because I park it on the street.

Supposedly, there is a rule that if you spend a certain amount of money towards fixing the smog problem, you can obtain a waiver and be allowed to register the car without passing the test. But I have looked all over the internet to find the amount, or the waiver form, or anything that resembles some sort of sliver of hope. It's a well kept secret, it seems.

If you have found it, please post a link to it in the comments below.

Other than that, my only options are to either sell the car and buy a new one, or register it in Washington and hope that I never get pulled over. Lovely.


---

Some people won't lie

I was in church on Sunday and I had recently made a new friend who, as it turns out, is very honest and rather outspoken. I respect that.

But after we were sitting there for about a half hour or so, she leaned over to me and said;

"I think I might switch wards. There are NO hot guys in this ward."

This may or may not be true, I mean, I wouldn't be the one to ask. But I was amazed that she would tell this to me.... a guy.... in the ward...


---

I feel like I'm not in Utah anymore.

So I have officially had my first ever beach experience in California. We're talking bonfires. We're talking hot dogs. We're talking sand. We're talking gang shootings. We're talking police officers driving on the beach. LA at it's very best.

I actually didn't know that it was going to be on the beach, and since it was super foggy, I didn't even realize it was the beach until I had been there, standing in the sand, for a good five minutes.

I was talking to my friend and I was like, "so it's really sandy here." And then I was like, "Hey wait a second. Beaches have sand. Are we... no... we're on the beach?"
A truly fantastic picture of the bonfire.

So then I was like "Does that mean that there's like, water over there?" And she was like, "Dude, you're weird."
Me and my friend Marisa. We met in the music program at BYU.

And then I was like, "No way! I must see this water, this... ocean... take me there!" And then we walked about 50 feet from where we were standing and all of the sudden there were waves crashing down.


I call this picture, "feet blanketed in the watery seashore searching for peace - by Stephen Anderson."

So then after the bonfire someone invited us over to his apartment to go hot-tubbing, and on the way there I saw this license plate and decided it was worth taking a picture of:

And then we arrived at his "apartment." Keep in mind that I just came here from BYU, where an "apartment" is more like a set of walls built in the 20's, designed merely to contain life and keep it from dying.

This is his "apartment."

The thing that really gets me is that I felt like I was the only one that was really genuinely impressed by this place. I mean, to me, it looks like a resort. I could be wrong, but the one or two resorts that I've ever been to don't look quite as nice as this guy's place.

Everyone else just sort of acted like, "dude, why is that new guy taking pictures of the building?"

So we went hot-tubbing and it was marvelous.

All I can say is that LA and Provo are not quite the same. I'm slowly adjusting to the culture shock... but it's fun!


---

I like this carpet

One thing I've noticed in recent years is that my biological clock is obnoxiously strict... strange indeed when you consider that I'm a very heavy sleeper. I remember one time my older brothers TP'ed my bedroom, and me, while I was asleep.

On my mission I stopped using an alarm clock at all after about 6 months because I kept waking up at 6:25am, exactly, and my alarm was set for 6:27am.

I'm also incapable of functioning, at any level, on very little sleep, which is why I nearly died several times while driving here to LA. But going to bed at 4:30am didn't stop me from waking up at 8:30am. Last night I went to bed at 9pm because I was deliriously tired, and I woke up today at 8:30am.

I had the unexpected blessing of locking myself out of my apartment today. Why is this a blessing?

One of my neighbors came over to ask me a question about my car. I stepped out onto the stairs and closed the door behind me, only to find that the door locks itself automatically. Or rather, it always remains locked no matter what. I didn't know this.

So she invited me into her apartment and her roommate offered me some water, which I was very happy for because the tap water here is gross, and they have some bottled stuff. I drank it and I was like, "Wow this tastes way better than the tap water!"

They were both surprised and said that there should have been something in the papers that I signed, stating that the landlord is not responsible for lead poisoning if residents should accidentally drink the water. Evidently it's bad for you. Good to know.

So I got to meet my neighbors and make friends with them, and I may have saved myself from certain death, especially since I don't have health insurance at the moment.

It was also a blessing to go over there because they have a couch! It was nice to sit on because I've just been hanging out on the floor here since I don't have any furniture at all. I'm hoping that my roommates will bring something to sit on. I imagine I look like a 3 year old sitting there eating my cheerios on the floor. Good times.


---

Driving at night

So I had every intention of taking pictures of myself during various stages of my dangerous journey to LA, like packing my car, driving, driving some more, trying desperately to stay awake, eating a PB&J at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere at 2am... which I made using my fingers since my knives were all packed away somewhere...

But as it turns out, my refined hatred for long drives combined with the whole "don't fall asleep at the wheel and accidentally run into the semi next to you" thing made me lose all interest in snapping pictures.

But here are some little gems that I learned from this trip:

• Arizona and Nevada don't seem to cool down much at night during the middle of August. I was actually legitimately sweating, at midnight, while going 80MPH with my windows rolled down.
• Drinking lots of rootbeer does not help you stay awake. In fact it does quite the opposite.
• My entire net worth fits inside my Honda Civic.
• The freeway system in LA is the most confusing thing in existence right now.
• The traffic in LA at 3am is remarkably similar to that of Utah at 10am. Evidently, people have a lot to get done in the wee hours of the morning. I was, however, able to drive straight through the city of LA going 80MPH. Few people can say they've done that.
• Going to bed at 4:30am doesn't stop my body from making me wake up at 8:30am. Why? Why? I guess I'll sleep well tonight anyway...

So there you have it.


---

If I fail, I fail with glory.

It's amazing how easy it is to get people to hang out with you when they know that they're never going to get to see you ever again.

No joke. This week I've been spending time with all my favorite people and it's made me feel so popular! I think that I might just stay, but tell people every week that it's my last. I'd like to see how long they keep going out of their way just to hang out with me.

And, as it turns out, Ben Folds himself dedicated a live concert to me and told my entire story through song:

Steven's Last Night In Town

Anyway... get excited, friends, because the next post will be coming from Los Angeles. Who knows when that will be since I might not even have an internet connection when I get there, but yeah.

Goodbye, Provo. It's been fun.


---

Sparklers = Happiness

I've learned two startling facts as of late:

1. Laura Shearer hates pineapple. I made a pizza with her tonight and she was very adamant about not having anything to do with any pineapple in any way. Emotions ran high, vicious fights ensued. I honestly can't for the life of me comprehend how anyone can dislike pineapple, the most blessedly delicious of all fruits. But then again, Laura is one-of-a-kind ;)

2. Raintree Apartments has started a magical new garden of enchanted couches.



In other news, my old friend Heather Neeley and I had some fun last night playing with sparklers and long-exposure-slow-motion-still-frame picture thingies. I'm not sure what it's called... it's when the camera captures stuff for like 2 whole seconds.

I think this is my favorite picture:
Here's some good ones too.




Have a lovely day!


---

Proof-reading is a beautiful thing.

I was in the bookstore today on campus for various reasons, and I thought I'd stroll up to the computer store they have there just to see if by chance they sell tape cassette adapters, you know, for me and the other five people on the planet that still have tape players in their cars.

You see, I'm driving down to California this week and I wanted to play my iPod while I'm in the middle of the desert, all alone, running out of gas, risking death for the sake of some sort of a shred of hope at a successful career in music.

Believe it or not, they do in fact sell tape cassette adapters. $15. I couldn't believe it. It was tucked away in the very top corner of the store behind a wall. They have two in stock.

Anyway while I was there I also happened to notice a little pamphlet, made by Dell, as an advertisement/direct attack on Apple. It's in the shape of an iPhone.
First of all, I really hate it when a company advertises by directly attacking another company. But 'tis at least 10 times worse when they're attacking a company far superior to them, and they make themselves look like incompetent idiots by putting a comma in the wrong spot.

What this should say is:

"Never mind that our computers are full of bugs, nothing is compatible with anything, everything takes three times as long to do, and we're too lazy to have our mass-produced advertisements be proof-read by a literate human being. At least we can charge less! That's all that matters!"

Seriously. The comma belongs between the words "discount" and "you", not where it is now. Are they trying to communicate to innocent consumers like me that no one at Dell passed their English classes, and so they're taking out their frustrations on Apple just for being better than them? It hurts my feelings.


---

Free for everyone who's fat.

The other day I had the rare opportunity to eat some Western Family raspberry flavored low-fat yogurt, and also some Western Family raspberry flavored non-fat yogurt.

The non-fat was way better, hands down. I don't know why. It's just smoother and made me feel like a better person.

I also drink fat free milk and will continue to do so until you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. I don't care what anybody says... it tastes better.

Try drinking only non-fat for two weeks, and eventually you'll realize that you don't even notice the difference anymore, except for when you go back and drink 2% again. It tastes like a nasty fat-flavored milk-shake.

You'll never go back.


---

It's my birthday!

Today marks 25 years since I started doing time here on Earth.

I like to meet people that were born on the exact same day as me. In fact I even have a friend that was born within just a couple minutes, we discovered. That makes me think... did we see each other while waiting in line in Heaven? Were we buddies? She was born before me, so was she like,

"Alright, I'm doin it! I'm going! Good luck Steve!"
"Okay you too! Don't forget to be nice to me at BYU since you'll be way more physically attractive than me and otherwise I might be too self conscious to talk to you!"
"Okay I'll try but no promises, I mean... what if you're a big loser?"
"That's true... alright well don't worry about it then. We'll just be Facebook friends and call it good."

Actually I like to think about what it's like for people about to come to Earth, and they know they're going to different countries that despise each other. They're like best buddies in heaven, but one of them is gonna be a Nazi and the other one is going to be anything else.

Or maybe they know what's going to happen in the future and they're like, dude, we're gonna spend our whole lives paying off the national debt. Lame, man, lame.

Anyway, I watched Stardust last night, one of my all time favorite movies, and I noticed that the star actor, Charlie Cox, who plays Tristan, doesn't even get his name on the cover of the movie case. It has the names of all the supporting actors and not him. Weird. I guess he's just not cool enough.

Stardust = one of the best film scores ever.

Just so you know.


---

My new friend.

So as I walked out my door to go to work this morning, at 9:20am, I noticed a curious little black lump clinging to the wall in the stairwell.

That is a bat. I hate bats.

First of all, I never knew that bats had the ability to cling to a wall, and so I'm still debating whether or not it is actually real, or just a prank of some sort. But it looks pretty darn real.

I'm inclined to say that it's fake because I don't think that a bat would accidentally fall asleep while clinging to a wall, and then stay there in spite of people walking around making all sorts of noise, taking pictures, etc.

But I didn't have the guts to poke it with a stick because if it woke up and attacked me... well, lets just say that being turned into a vampire is the last thing I need at this point in my life.

Either way, it was enough to make me use the other stair case, because I hate bats with a passion. And I tend to have obsessive thoughts of worst-case scenarios all the time.

Especially when I'm on the freeway and I see those big yellow garbage cans that they stack in front of guard rails. Whenever I drive by them I always play out in my mind exactly how it would be if I ran into them head on going 100MPH.

Or when I'm next to a big ledge I can never stop thinking about throwing myself over and seeing my brains splatter on the sharp rocks below. It's kind of weird.

So I avoid bats.


---

My two cents. Ha ha, get it?

I was tuning pianos today, which inevitably makes me think... a lot. I mean really there's nothing else to do. You can't listen to music. There's never anyone to talk to. You have to use both your hands... so lots and lots of thinking.

I wish my brain had a record button too. This week and next week I'm spending 8 hours a day just tuning pianos, so I could fill up volumes of books with all the myriad of useless information that passes through my brain during that time.

Of course towards the end of the day it's usually something very similar to this:

"MAKE IT STOP!!! I don't want to hear another freaking note for the rest of my life!"
"Relax, Steve-O... tiring, yes, but at least we're getting paid, which is better than what we normally do with our time."
"Why, though? Just tell me why? It'll never stay in tune... what's the point? What's the point in LIVING?"
"Do you not shower just because you'll get dirty again?"
"I haven't showered for a few days. So?"
"Tu che."

This is me tuning my very best. No it's actually just a joke but no one ever seems to realize that all the strings are broken.

Today though I was contemplating about how orchestras will always tune before each concert. I always played percussion in orchestra so I never had to do anything then, but I've come to realize that having the whole orchestra, or even just sections, tune all at the same time is kind of pointless.

I had to tune at the Piano Gallery once when another technician was working at the same time, along with some little kids playing on the pianos in the store and I thought that my head was going to explode. Imagine a whole orchestra making noise right in your ear. I don't care what people say... no one can really get there instrument in tune in that setting.

I guess I see things differently because my idea of "in tune" means that it's within a 10th of a cent, or 1/1,000 of a half-step. When I listen to professionals tune their instruments, a lot of times they only get it within 2 or 3 cents.

But I can never tell if they don't know, or they just don't care. Or maybe they know that I do know, and they just like to bother me. That's what Hell must be like.

The sad irony of it all is that I can't sing in tune to save my life. And the sad irony of that is that I was in the BYU Men's Chorus for 3 years. However I do enjoy the fact that at least I am well aware of my out-of-tune singing, so I'll never accidentally lie to myself.

Actually I think if I had the choice, I would choose to be able to sing really well and not realize it.

ACTUALLY, I think I would choose to be able to sing well and realize it, so then I could walk around thinking I'm the shiz, and I'd actually be right.


---

A very high quality recording.

I look for new music all the time. I love it.

I found a music video today and I've watched it about 6 times so far. The video itself is nothing spectacular but the song, or at least the recording, is remarkable.

Maybe it's not the style that you prefer, but as a musician I tend to listen to stuff that stands out because of sound quality, mixing techniques, texture, etc, and this is one song that they've done a fantastic job with.

To be honest it's not really my favorite style either, but the recording is so well done that I'm temporarily addicted to it.

I'm not addicted. I can quit when ever I want.

Also if you feel like focusing really intently, the lyrics are very well-written too, which I have a lot of respect for because I suck at writing lyrics.

Take a listen and tell me what you think:

LIGHTS Music video - Saviour from Rawls on Vimeo.

Have a great day!


---

The Secret To Happiness

I have a little notebook. Every so often I'll write in it, but the truth is that I just really like to buy new notebooks, and I always convince myself that I will carry it around everywhere and write down everything that I think of. That never happens.

But I have found a good purpose for this particular notebook that you might want to try.

On the recommendation of a good friend of mine, I started to make a list of everything that I am thankful for, in any aspect of life. So far my list is up to 283.

Why is this so great? It'll change your life. Just try it. Here's an excerpt from the middle of my list as it is today:

• Vintage photographs
• Old men that are really funny
• Stick figure animations
• Talking good about people
• Escaping the police
• Large vocabularies
• Fat-free milk
  
• When people like my music
• Art museums
• People that talk to themselves
• Really tall buildings
• Snow
• Airports
• Stick shifts
• Open windows
• Lightning
• Learning a new instrument
• Making pizza from scratch
• Selling old stuff
• Getting a phone call
• Trust
  
• Popsicles
• Hammocks
• Birds flying in front of cars
• Taking obscene amounts of pictures
• New chord progressions
• Sleeping outside
• Night-time pool parties
• New white board pens
• Curing a bad habit
• Really interesting documentaries

As you can see, it's not very hard for the list to become very lengthy, and eventually fill up a whole notebook. Here's why I think that this is beneficial:

1. If you're constantly trying to think of good things to write down, you'll become a more positive person. And more happy. You will spend your time looking for good things, rather than looking for bad things.
2. It makes you realize just how much you really have to be grateful for.
3. You can use it to fill in cracks of wasted time, like waiting in line or on a bus or something.
4. You can always go back and re-read the list. It'll put you in a good mood every time.
5. You can share your list with other people. I've never shown it to someone and not had them insist on reading the entire thing.
6. If you accidentally write the same item more than once, you'll start to notice patterns and realize what things you appreciate most in life.

I had also toyed with the idea of making a list of things that I hate in life, but quickly reconsidered on the premise that it would be just way too easy. And it would do the exact opposite of everything I listed above. Except for #3. That one is a plus no matter what kind of list you're making.

To help you get started, take one minute and write down the first 10 things that come to your mind that you are thankful for, and post it in the comments on this blog. Right now. Shouldn't take more than a minute.

Good luck.

---

The dumbest smart person quote ever.

Throughout my life I've heard several people say something like this:

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

And then they claim that it was Albert Einstein who said it. And there are others who claim that it was Benjamin Franklin. No one has ever actually proven that either of them said it. And even if there is proof of it somewhere, the fact that Einstein said it does not make it an intelligent quote.

Some points to consider:

• That's not the definition of insanity.
• Doing the same thing again and again doesn't mean you're insane. I'm pretty sane, but when I can't find my keys, I'll look in the same spot 10 or 11 times.
• It encourages the dangerous condition of learned helplessness.
• It go against the idea of experimentation and practice.
• If everyone continues to quote it to me again and again and again, and at last I finally give in and admit that it is a brilliant saying of truth and wisdom, it will immediately disprove itself.

Maybe I'll start making up my own quotes. How 'bout this:

"The definition of insanity is reading this blog entry and not immediately sending Stephen a check for $100."

Don't be insane! Just do it!


---

iBlog Entry

Somewhere in the last few years, something went horribly wrong in the world of maketing/advertising/whatever-ing.

I'm referring to the use of the letter "i".

It didn't bother me so much when Apple came out with iTunes, the iPod, etc. because it was new and unique then. It was interesting. I was like,

"no kidding... a lower case 'i' followed by the word 'Pod'... simply remarkable."

But now it seems as though the whole world has seen this as simply an opportunity to stop putting any effort into coming up with real names for their products. Whaddya' got? A new book? A light bulb? A new eating utensil? Just put an "i" in front of it and all your problems will float away like an iButterfly.

I think that even Apple is using it as an excuse now... like when they came out with a marvelous new phone, and the best name they could come up with was... wait for it... the "iPhone."(you should actually click on that link... you'll thank me later.)

I would like to know if they even hold meetings to name their products. It couldn't be any more complicated than this:

"So we've got a chat program that needs a name. Any ideas?"
"How about 'iChat'?"
"I like the way you think, Johnson. You're getting a raise."

I actually started to make a list here with links to all the wannabe companies out there that are using the letter "i" as a way to reduce the amount of time spent thinking, but there's just too much. I feel like I wouldn't be able to do it justice.

If you're bored... I mean really bored... just type the letter "i" into Google and sift through the 8,230,000,000 results. Yes, that's right, eight billion. And it only takes .14 seconds. I shouldn't get your hopes up though: Most of them are just there because they used the word "I" somewhere on their website. Which makes you wonder, how does Google decide that a certain site will show up on page 1 just for having the word "I" in their text somewhere?

Anyway, the reason I deemed it necessary to make a post about this for all 5 of you to read, is because of this:

That's a close up of my only friend's shirt, which made me reconsider our friendship. Evidently, BYU at some point stooped to the low, low, despicable act of using the "i" to try and make the Honor Code somehow seem "cool."

What for? The Honor Code is what it is simply because it's not cool. That's why people like it! And it's also why so many weird, backwards-thinking morons, who shouldn't attend BYU, hate it.

It hurts my feelings that they would try to relate to me by stealing a small chunk of Apple's gloriously sleek, competent reputation and tricking people into thinking that we're hip and fresh.

So instead of just complaining about the situation, I decided to take action. I've come up with some replacement names for a lot of Apple's products so they don't have to keep overusing the letter "i". We don't want it to run out.

• iPhone - "Freaking awesome touchscreen thing that does EVERYTHING!!"
• iChat - "MeAndYouChat"
• iLife - "Look! We're better than Windows!"
• iMovie - "I'm Moving!"
• iTunes - "Overly protective music player program that rips away your freedom and deletes stuff a lot"
• iWeb - "No one uses me."
• iBook - "I'm not a book. I'm a computer. Don't insult me."

Indeed, some of these are a little longer and maybe not quite as catchy, but I feel that Apple could use the honesty. Stop hiding behind the "i". It's not cool, man.


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Whistlers

I remember thinking that whistling was really hard.

Then I learned how to do it. It took two days.

Now I only whistle to mock people who can't whistle.


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I'll never be that good.

I have a tetris game on my computer called Cubes. It's a free program for Macs. I've been playing it now and then during the very most boring moments of my last couple years, and I won't lie... I'm pretty dang good at it.

The other day I got to level 27 with a score of 78,000 points. I let out an enormous sigh of accomplishment. And then I thought to myself, if it took me a couple years to get this good, then this must be a pretty high score. It must be eligible for the internet high scores list!

Not even close! The highest legitimate score on there was set by some guy in France who got to level 98 with a score of 1,106,000. You've got to be kidding me.

Me: Level 27: I can barely tell what the piece is before it hits the bottom of the screen, let alone rotate it or position it. Super fast.

Guy in France: Level 98: has no life whatsoever, has super human powers, and probably dresses up in a skin-tight Tetris-Man costume and fights crime at night.

It's obscene.

Speaking of which, I recently discovered this YouTube video of human tetris, and it changed my life forever. Not that it inspired me, but rather that it amazed me that someone was able to get 30 or 40 people to waste a whole day being tetris pieces.


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It's Illegal to Play Music in Provo

Last night was the official Wicked Awesome Bom Dot Shiz Party Of The Century here at Park Plaza. It was an exciting fusion of music, food, swimming, dancing, movies... you name it. Take all that and mix it in with all of Provo's defining virtues, such as overly single young adults, socially inept recluses that call the cops because they're lame, the cops themselves, and you have a classic BYU pool party.

Here are some of the best shots from the evening.
A lively game of pool volleyball just getting started.


A picture of me with the cop that came and made us turn off the music because some loser called and complained about it.... at 9:40pm.


Probably the apartment of someone bored and uptight enough to call the police on us... for playing music... on a Saturday night...

A few other shots of some of the great people that live here.











All in all it ended way too early, but was still a lot of fun. I just always have to stop and wonder about people that spend their lives being super uptight and annoying. I mean, when I'm sitting at home all alone reading a book or something, and I can hear some semblance of other life on this planet, I usually just ignore it. If it's really loud, I just deal with it. We're all human. And some of us actually like to have fun.

What on earth makes people pick up the phone and dial 911 because they can hear some music? Nevermind the fact that he or she is only one person, but insists on having everything his or her way, and ruining a fun party for 100 other people. It's such a sad existence. Seriously. It's a college town. And a Saturday night. At 9:40pm! If you don't like loud parties, you should go live elsewhere.

My favortie part was when the cop started making fun of the person that called him about it. He's like "Yeah. Some guy is all alone on a Saturday night because he couldn't get a date... and he doesn't want anyone else to have fun either..."

And then he made a funny face in my picture.


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Cursed middle finger. AARRRRRRGH!!

For some unknown reason, the last five or six years of my life has revealed to me a strange lapse in my nervous system. Whenever I cut my fingernails, I always skip my middle finger on my left hand.

WHY? I cannot for the life of me figure it out. I start with my thumb, and work my way to my pinky. And every time I start cutting my nails, I always have this conversation with myself:

"Remember. Cut all of them. Don't skip your middle finger. All of them."
"Got it. We'll go one by one. It'll be impossible to miss."
"Impossible indeed. You got it. Mission: impossible."
"That was a great movie."
"I saw Night of the Museum 2 last night. It was so good."
"Probably not as good as the first, but it was fun to watch."
"Yeah, I agree... the first one was better. More character development."
"I felt like I connected with Larry in the first one. In the second one I was like, eh..."
"Yeah it's because he... HEY!! DANG IT!!! WE SKIPPED IT AGAIN!!"
"AAAAAH!!! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!!!"
"WHY! WHY! WHY!!!!"

It's some sort of weird joke that my body plays on me... every single time! You might think I exaggerate. I can only remember ONE single time in the last 6 years that I haven't skipped my freaking middle finger when cutting my nails, and that time, I was focused. The second coming could have happened and I still would have gotten it.

In fact I only brought this up because I just cut my nails like 20 seconds ago, and it totally happened. I was day-dreaming about who knows what, and this is what I get:


I simply can't understand it. Perhaps I never will.

In happier news, I hung out with my old friend, MaRin, a couple nights ago. Yes the "r" is capitalized. That's the only reason we're friends.

Also because I seem to be collecting friends that went to Gao Shan, Taiwan on their missions. Like my new roommate David, my old roommate Cody, my old friend Marissa, MaRin, my mom....

There's a pool party here tonight if anyone reading this lives in Provo, and reads it sometime tonight... Free pizza! Yeah!

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