I found my car's spare key inside my car.

Why are we still driving cars? It seems like we should be past that.

By now, I would have expected us to all have our own personal flying ships that run on happiness.

And I've heard tons of rumors throughout my life that certain people have invented vehicles that actually run on just water, but the evil sinister oil companies paid them to destroy their blueprints.

What?

Sure, some people in this world are pretty bad. But do the CEO's of oil companies have some pact with the Devil? Do they sit in their scarcely lit offices, stroking their pet poodles, smoking gigantor cigars, laughing maniacally as they plot to destroy civilization?

I'm pretty sure they could find another use for oil. Come on. It's flammable.

And I love to hear people who know nothing about the industry summarize why gas prices are so high, as though they're the world's leading authority on the matter.

"Well, it's because the oil companies are greedy. Thieves."

Really? I doubt it. More likely, it costs a lot of money to find some random well of oil, somewhere on Earth, and ship out a million barrels per day.

Anyway, I'm not convinced that the scandal is real, considering that if you invented a working car that runs on water, you'd make a lot more money than whatever they'd pay you to destroy it.

Still though, it seems odd that after more than a hundred years, we're still driving cars that run on gas, and they still get pretty bad mileage.

Also, why does my Honda Civic from 1991 still get better mileage than almost every new car being made today? Are we not advancing?

Actually right now it gets a whopping ZERO miles per gallon, but that will hopefully change tomorrow. And then I can leave my 1-mile-radius prison.


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