I hereby declare that Ceasar salad dressing is superior to its Ranch-flavored counterpart in every way. It always has been and always shall be. Ranch just isn't as good.
Dare ye contradict me?
Speaking of two horrible things that should never go together, my roommate just left to go to the store to get some chocolate chip pumpkin cake. A filthy disgrace that should never have been born.
Chocolate = kinda' gross.
Pumpkin = foul, indisputably disgusting, vomit-inducing nastiness that only grew on this earth as a direct result of the Fall of Adam, forsaken by God, and is useful only to be desecrated into jack-o-lanterns, and that's a shady business in itself.
It boggles my mind that we allow people to combine these two evils without them being disowned by their families and shunned and exiled by society, to be banned to some far away island, inhabited only by colonies of lepers.
Worse still is that some fool decided long ago to allow pumpkin pie to be a part of Thanksgiving. Here you have a splendid meal, and someone always comes along and ruins it by bringing a nasty pumpkin pie. It's like peeing in your Cheerios. I'm still working on suppressing the gag reflex.
Has no one else noticed that pumpkin pie is really really really gross? Am I the only one? Seriously? The only reason anyone can stomach that crap is because it's so loaded down with sugar and fat that it almost cancels out the seaweed flavored grime to where it's a sort of semi-conscious bland entity, looking up at you with an apathetic, boring glare, past the point of feeling, wanting nothing more than death to come and take it from it's shameful, moist, gluttony existence.
I wash my hands of you, pumpkin.
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Except that you can't dip pizza or pizza crust or Red Robin steakfries in Caesar dressing. That would just be weird.
ReplyDeleteWait, you think chocolate and pumpkin are gross SEPARATELY? I was willing to allow you to build your case if you liked them both individually, but I won't even read the rest of the post now. If you dislike pumpkin pie, you are of substandard intelligence, and nothing you say deserves to be listened to.
ReplyDeletehttp://bit.ly/181NcZ
I'm going to have to agree with Jake here. I think the fact that you don't like chocolate alone makes you a sub-standard human being, but throw pumpkin in there too...I'm not sure about your status of having a soul.
ReplyDeleteok, after all the above comments i have to pipe in. i completely agree with you about pumpkin pie. it ranks very hight on my gross foods list. regarding chocolate... while i can't agree with you because i love the stuff, i do often wish i hated it, if that counts.
ReplyDeleteI have more evidence for you that pumpkin is a gross substance. Kristin and I carved a pumpkin last tuesday. We made the mistake of double bagging the pumpkin guts and placing them next to the garbage beneath the sink. Two days later I was getting a drink of water before going to bed and discovered the most disgusting scent I've yet encountered in this mortal realm eminating from beneath the sink. The pumpkin gut juice had somehow leaked out of the bag! Not only that, but it seaped through a seam in the wood and puddled on kitchen floor. I thought I was going to vomit. Last year I worked in the cadaver lab here at school where I got spend an one afternoon a week with my elbows soaked in formaldehyde and other dead-body fluids until the scent even stained my underwear. That didn't even come cose to comparing to how horrible the pumpkin gut juice smelled. Nothing but jack-o-lanters should ever come from pumpkins, ever.
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