Ginkgo Dew and Universe Juice

My hair

2010-11-29T00:34:00.004-07:00

This morning when I got up I couldn't help but feel like maybe my bed-head hair is a little too similar to my "combed", or "styled" hair.

But, it just goes to show why it's so much better to be male than female. Can you find the differences in these two pictures? You'll notice there really aren't many.

Also, here's a pizza I made on halloween. I wanted to make sure to wait for a month or so before uploading Halloween pics so that they would seem more unique and special, rather than getting lost in the flurry of other people's costumes that aren't as cool as my pizza.

Also, whoever programmed the process for arranging pictures on these blog entries must really hate the human race. Holy crap. Could it possibly be more difficult? I don't think so.

A'ight. Peace.

---

Meeting Harry

2010-11-10T23:50:00.002-07:00

Today was epic enough that I decided I can spare a moment and the brainpower necessary to post something for all 3 of you to read.

I met Harry Gregson-Williams today. As part of the graduate film scoring class at USC, we went to his studio in Venice and had a little chat with him and his crew.

He showed us all his cool gadgets and even let us see a clip of what he's working on right now. He played us some of his best music and even broke it down for us to hear some of the unique parts that make it up. He treated us all to pizza and let us spend an hour or so walking around the studio, chatting with him and his crew, and perusing his vast collection of scores... and trophies...

You might ask why this is such a big deal for me, even to the point that I would make a blog post about it.

Let me tell you.

The score to the film ANTZ, which came out 12 years ago, is what inspired me to become a film composer. Harry wrote that score. I told him that and he replied with several cool stories about the recording process to that film.

And many other films that are on my list of all time favorites. His work is hugely responsible for my realization that I wanted to do the exact same thing for the rest of my life. The man is basically my childhood hero, and today I got to talk to him. In friggen' person!

Today I held in my hands an enormous book that contains the entire original score to The Chronicles of Narnia. I spent a half hour reading through my favorite scenes. It was awesome to see how all the music from such a huge film as that was written.

For those of you unfamiliar with film music, it's a pretty big deal to be able to see an original score of any film, especially one so awesome as Narnia. I love that movie.

It was just an incredible experience for me. Everything that was previously just vague ideas in the back of my mind about what big film music must be like has suddenly become very clear. Awesome.

---

First recording session.

2010-09-19T23:33:00.003-06:00

Our first recording session in the Film Scoring program was yesterday.

We each got a few minutes to record our string quartets with the best musicians in the world. Never before have I seen such talented sight-readers. Every single note. Flawless.

Here's a picture my buddy took during my time at the podium. The violinist with his back to the camera is the concertmaster for John Williams' orchestra.

---

Ka-BLAM!!

2010-09-11T23:04:00.006-06:00

I've spent more money in the last couple weeks than I have in the last 3 years combined.

Change of subject.

I thought that you, my multitudeous readers, would like to see a couple things that I've done lately. A director friend of mine, named Devin Graham, took one of my hymn arrangements and cut a video to it of people break-dancing.

He showed it to me when it was done and I thought it was actually quite amusing. It sort of works. Perhaps he has created a new genre.

Of course that didn't take much effort on my part since I didn't even know about it until it was done. But here's something, also filmed by Devin, that I wrote music to in about 1.5 hours. It was a speed-write, which explains the lack of originality or compositional quality. But it works okay, and it was fun. Plus I got to bust out some new samples that I bought but hadn't had a chance to use yet...

That's all just frosting on the cake compared to what I've been doing for school so far, which I can't show you yet, not that I'm not allowed to disclose it, but simply that I'm too lazy to upload to YouTube.

But one of these days!

Long story short: My entire life has been monopolized by USC. I no longer do anything social, outdoorsy, or interesting in any way. Well, interesting maybe... but only in terms of the finished products. The actual process of me sitting at my keyputer for 15 hours at a time is not worth writing about.

Our first recording session is this Saturday, and the musicians are professionals, including the guy who has been concertmaster for John Williams for about 30 years.

Which reminds me: We had a masterclass with Randy Newman yesterday. It's so weird.... I always thought that he was black. Even when he performed for us a couple songs, including "You've Got a Friend in Me", from Toy Story, I couldn't believe it. He's a funny guy though. I think he dropped the F-bomb maybe 20, 30 times?

---

I'm not the youngest.

2010-08-04T14:28:00.003-06:00

Nearly any time I meet a new person and they ask me about my family, it goes down like this:

"So how many siblings to you have?"

"I have three brothers."

"Oh neat. So where do you fall in the line up?"

"I'm the third."

"Oh okay so you're the youngest then."

"....*sigh*.... no. No, I'm not."

Sure. I could talk to them like an idiot and explain the math as though they never passed 1st grade...

"Well you see I have three brothers, which gives us a grand total of four boys, since I'm not technically my own brother. If you take the three of my siblings and then add me to the mix, you still with me? We good? It makes sense on paper."

I just don't want to.

Anyway there was a nice sunset last night. Here's a picture I took from my deck.

Nice view, eh? Eh??

---

Sugar free!!

2010-07-27T15:23:00.003-06:00

As part of my quarter-life crisis, I've taken a look at my health and realized that if I don't stop eating so much sugar all the time, I will most certainly die a terrible, slow death.

Not that I care about being a grown-up or anything. I just don't want friggen' diabetes. On a typical day I would eat about 4 servings of Cinnamon Toast Crunch(not exaggerating), drink about 1/3 gallon of juice, eat some cookies or something similar, and of course I go through a carton of cookies n' cream ice cream every week.

So I quit. Cold turkey.

How has it been going, you ask? Good question. Allow me to illustrate it for you.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

It's true. Quitting any addiction is tough, but I think the sugar addiction was devised and plotted since before the world was. By Lucifer himself.

Head aches... mood swings.... violent seizures.

But... I think it's worth it. Sugar is the leading cause of obesity in the United States. When you really step back and look at how healthy Americans were 100 years ago versus how we are today... it's kinda' gross.

Anyway, I'll let you know if I survive.

---

Swim.

2010-07-26T16:01:00.003-06:00

It boggles my mind that there are so many people my age that don't know how to swim.

I was just talking with the receptionist where I work and she said that she deliberately chooses not to learn because she's afraid of drowning.

................riiiight.

These days I really do make a conscious effort to avoid making people feel stupid. Honestly. Having more friends is all part of my devious and sinister master-plan to conquer the universe.

So I stood there for a good solid 3 seconds waging war inside my mind about whether or not I should inform her that if she doesn't learn how to swim, her chances of drowning will dramatically increase.

In the end I gave into temptation, justified on the basis that other people make me feel dumb on at least a tri-daily basis, so it's fair.

Here's a picture I took of my feet.

---

Pass it on!

2010-07-23T16:16:00.003-06:00

Someone spent who knows how many hours programming what is likely to be the most awkwardly frustrating game of tetris ever made.

All so that several millions of people can come to the site, try it out for about 5 seconds, give up, leave, pass it on to a friend or post it somewhere, and then never think of it e're again.

Here it is:

First Person Tetris

I am done.

---

BLAHH!! Are you BLIND???@$%*&^

2010-07-21T20:00:00.002-06:00

Today I waved at a girl sitting on the grass as I drove by. She waved back and smiled.

My roommate pulled up to a light and stopped in the crosswalk right before a girl was about to cross. Since I was in the passenger seat with my window down, I said "Sorry about that." She replied with a very friendly, "no worries, I do it all the time!" And she walked around.

None of this happy fluffy jolly brotherly kindness changes the crippling disease that is rampant in the city of LA.

No one ever pays attention when the light turns green.

It's not that hard! The lights are not sooo long that you have time to pull out a box of parchment and a quill pen and start writing your memoirs. Seriously! Pay attention! Doesn't anyone want to get to where they're going? No wonder we have such pukishly awful traffic!

Ironically I've also noticed that most people will not honk their horns in this situation until it is way too late. The ONE time that it's actually appropriate to honk your horn, and yet everywhere I go I hear nothing but honking all over the place except for when it would actually be justified! Why??

---

steeeeeeeephen!

2010-07-05T21:51:00.005-06:00

Bryan sent me some snide demand that I make a new post the other day, simultaneously reminding me that I even have a blog, and making me not want to post anything on it.

Still, The Ginkgo Dew shall live on yet a while longer.

I moved.

Best decision I've ever made.

Fact: My new apartment has a deck that is the same size as my old apartment's living room, dining room, and kitchen combined.

Fact: For the first time in 8 years, I have my own bedroom.

Fact: I am no longer afraid to bring girls over.

Aaannnnnnddd... as an added bonus, I found my old keys whilst moving my bed. I lost them 6 months ago. That's right. I haven't been able to drive anywhere or even leave the apartment for SIX MONTHS!!

I don't think many people know how to spell "withdrawal."

That last sentence has nothing to do with this next sentence. I just got back from San Diego. A super random little excursion with 7 other people that I've never met in my life. Here's a picture of me eating kettle corn:

Horray!

---

Sandstone Peak

2010-04-24T12:28:00.006-06:00

Some very brilliant man a long time ago had the idea to build 50 miles of blissfully sweet highway right along the shoreline, called the Pacific Coast Highway. It feels like you're just driving down the beach. Which is what you're doing. So that makes sense.

I went on a hiking adventure with "Michelle", as they call her, whatever that's about. Psssh.

We went to the "second highest peak in the Santa Monica mountains." Quite a prestigious location for those who live within a 10 mile radius.

For your viewing enjoyment, I made a 360 panorama of the peak, including the ground in front of me.

You can click on it to see it bigger.

Or, if you really want to get the full effect, print it out on a 10-foot long stretch of paper and wrap it around your head! Awesome!!!

For extra points, see if you can find the dudes that were smoking weed.

Anyway, the whole hike was worth it just for the drive there. 26 miles of blissfully open, sunny beach. And clean air. It was gorgeous, though I've come to discover that anything without buildings and people in it is very beautiful when you live in LA.

Here are some of Michelle's thoroughly dramatic shots that she took as we were driving there. As you can see, a very beautiful drive indeed.

Also, Michelle thought it was very important that I take a picture of this rock. So here it is.

---

Robot!

2010-04-07T19:47:00.004-06:00

It took me three hours to do my taxes yesterday. When did things ever become so complicated?

I mean really. Life would be so much better if everyone just paid a percentage of their income. The form would have like three lines, and it would look like this:

1. Yo, How much money you got? ______
2. Multiply that times .2
3. Dat's what you owe, foo. Pay up or move to Mexico.

Done and done. How hard is that?

Anywho, for some reason last night I had a weird urge to draw a picture of a robot, so I did. There's a slight possibility that it has something to do with the fact that my roommates were watching I-Robot.

Drawing is weird. It's either very therapeutic or incredibly frustrating, and it usually all depends on the first few lines. You mess those up and it's over. And by "over", I mean "your face shrivels up into a black hole."

---

Frisbee is dangerous.

2010-04-02T18:27:00.005-06:00

I really like playing Ultimate Frisbee. It's like basketball for white people.

Yesterday, however, I had a bit of a mishap due to my lack of cleats and excess of slippery shoes.

I don't remember all the details but I'm pretty sure it went a lot like this:

Like I said, the details are all a bit fuzzy, but I remember a very loud, distinct "pop" which was confirmed by everyone around me as I crumbled in pain to the ground.

I've never broken a bone before. This didn't change that. I'm actually fine. But that "pop", which was heard by people at the other end of the field, was a little disturbing.

Anyway, I walked home afterwards, about a mile, which kinda sucked but I still did it so I must be okay, right? Right? Guys? Am I right?

I can't really walk today, of course, but I think it'll be fine in a day or two.

---

Follow your dreams!

2010-03-31T18:02:00.004-06:00

Every now and then I'll stumble across some inspirational quotes, which are always fun to read but I don't understand why they always seem to have a common theme that is more or less the same:

"Everyone will tell you that you can't do it. But you can blah blah blah."

Lies. I've never met anyone that told me I can't succeed. In fact people almost always tend to grossly overestimate my abilities and convince me that I'm the most talented freak on the planet and that I cannot possibly fail no matter what.

I can't imagine any parent or spouse or whatever that would consciously be all up in your face like

"What's that, sweetheart? You want to be an astronaut? Well give up because YOU SUCK!! Time for dinner."

I imagine that if I ever did meet such a person, they would look a lot like this:

But you should never judge someone by their looks. And yes I did just draw that with my mouse. It's hard! Sheesh.

In fact it seems as though there's a strange correlation between the amount of marketable skills involved in your goals and dreams and the amount of encouragement you get from people telling you to pursue said dreams.

I've made a chart to help illustrate the point:

Anywho, as it turns out, I got accepted into the graduate film scoring program at USC, which is arguably the best film program in the world. A lot of work. A lot of money. I'll let you know if I become famous.

---

Mexican kids

2010-03-28T21:51:00.006-06:00

I don't think there's anything that makes me feel like a bigger loser than when I'm chatting with someone online, and I'm giving it 100% of my attention when it's obvious that they might be giving it like 13% at most.

I'll respond immediately to them and then literally sit there and stare at the chat box for like 4 minutes waiting for them to respond. Finally they'll type something minimal and obligatory and then I'll be like

"Oh good I'm so glad you wrote back!! Ha ha! I had my doubts but I knew you cared!!"

After about 30 minutes of this I'll realize that chatting was always intended to be a low-commitment form of communication and should be done alongside other tasks. Then I'm good. Until the next day when it starts all over again. I forget everything at night and start with a clean slate each day.

I was showing some peeps a few pics of the ol' mish tonight and I thought I would make your day by showing you why Mexican kids are awesome. If you don't like these pictures then you are a cold-hearted old hag and should be destroyed. Enjoy!

---

Another piece of my childhood ruined.

2010-03-13T01:44:00.003-07:00

You wanna' know what I miss?

I miss this jingle used in Big Red commercials in the late 80's:

It's a wonderful song, full of happiness. And awesomeness. Which was very rare for that particular time period.

I mean, really, most of what that decade produced was only useful as part of an emergency purging method for those who call Poison Control after drinking ammonia.

So, given the context, this song deserves extra fame and glory.

And then Verizon somehow got their filthy rotten hands on it and ruined everything for me:

Honestly. Why must there be such terrible people alive in the world today? Crawl back into your holes and stop ruining my childhood, you shameful little ogres.

---

Hey, sup ya'll?

2010-02-21T12:23:00.003-07:00

I'm just waiting for the day when someone writing the "terms of agreement" for something decides to sneak in a little line that says "You will give me your first-born child. And his first born too."

And then he'll start receiving all sorts of babies in the mail and he'll be like, "Ooookay. Crap."

No one ever reads those. I tried to read one once, and I'm convinced that they purposefully try to make them as long and wordy and ultimately meaningless as they possibly can. Seriously. Why don't they make a summary or something?

There should be a sub-section stating "since we know you won't read any of this before clicking the 'agree' button, at least be informed that we now own your soul."

Speaking of summaries, I am not going to write one about what's been happening in my life since the last time I posted. Nor shall I apologize for not posting lately because I'm not sorry! Bwa ha ha. Eat that for breakfast!!

On a side note, not that there's really a center note here, it's a beautiful day in LA. As was yesterday, and the day before, and tomorrow, and the day after. We need a snow storm.

---

I only listen to Horrorcore Rap

2010-02-02T20:43:00.003-07:00

There are way too many genres of music out there nowadays. It is literally impossible to keep up with.

And I hate when people make up their own genre of music and then treat you like you're some uncultured pigme for not knowing what it is. Like today I read a listing on the Film Music Network of someone looking for some "Rocktonica."

I don't understand why someone would put up an ad looking for music, and expect to get what they want when they only describe it using words that they invented themselves. I mean, that one's not even on the Wikipedia list of music genres, which has literally thousands of made-up words that are completely useless.

Some of these "genres" of music are so ridiculously specific that they can only possibly describe one single song. You change one of the chords and it's no longer "Glitch" or "Gnawa" or "Goa Trance," but is now known as "Glam Punk." Conveniently those were all in the G section. I didn't feel like doing any real research here.

But you just change one instrument and it has crossed the void from some stupid sub-section of Country to some sub-section of Pop. And what is "pop"? No one really knows.

This all brings me to one of my least favorite questions of all time.

"So what kind of music do you like?"

I really don't like that question. I like music that was written brilliantly and produced marvelously, that entertains me and makes me think. I don't care what "genre" it is. But I hate trying to explain that to people who were just looking for a one-word answer.

---

Work

2010-01-27T08:57:00.002-07:00

So I went and applied to work for the 2010 census, since I'm very much in need of a job and they pay well, even if only for a very short while.

They made me take a written test of 28 multiple choice questions involving basic math and organizational skills, like alphabetizing. In order to pass this test, you have to get 10 questions right. Ten.

Unfortunately, the census doesn't even start until the end of March. Thank you for not mentioning that to me until after I wasted half a day coming and taking your dumb test.

I'm actually surprised at how hard it is for me to get a job here. Like, any job at all. Seriously, right now I'm open to pretty much anything, and no one wants to hire me because I'm always either under-qualified or over-qualified. There is like, nothing for which I'm just qualified.

And it's not like I'm some loser-schmoe face, either. I'm very secure in my constant stream of failures. I just blame it on the recession.

---

Doo bee doooo

2010-01-21T13:06:00.002-07:00

I think it's funny how people react to rain here in LA.

This week has been "the biggest rain storm since 1972." And by that, they mean that this whole week has been a combination of light rain and light drizzle.

Run for the hills! Make peace with your God!!

In other news, I'm now back to normal. For those unaware of what's been ailing me, three main things:

Car broke down
Sound card overheated and died
Lost my keys

My friend hooked me up with a great Honda mechanic who replaced my clutch, flywheel, and left axel, in two hours, total labor time. He works very quickly. He charged me $150 for labor, and the parts were $300.

I was very please about that, since the same job would have cost me triple that much at a shop.

With my car working, I went and got a new sound card, and made copies of my roommate's keys, and my car's spare key, which I have decided NOT to hide inside my car from now on.

So basically I'm back to exactly how I was a couple weeks ago, only with a lot less money, and a much tighter clutch.

On a side note, it is very difficult to get out of bed when it's raining.

---

I found my car's spare key inside my car.

2010-01-15T17:36:00.002-07:00

Why are we still driving cars? It seems like we should be past that.

By now, I would have expected us to all have our own personal flying ships that run on happiness.

And I've heard tons of rumors throughout my life that certain people have invented vehicles that actually run on just water, but the evil sinister oil companies paid them to destroy their blueprints.

What?

Sure, some people in this world are pretty bad. But do the CEO's of oil companies have some pact with the Devil? Do they sit in their scarcely lit offices, stroking their pet poodles, smoking gigantor cigars, laughing maniacally as they plot to destroy civilization?

I'm pretty sure they could find another use for oil. Come on. It's flammable.

And I love to hear people who know nothing about the industry summarize why gas prices are so high, as though they're the world's leading authority on the matter.

"Well, it's because the oil companies are greedy. Thieves."

Really? I doubt it. More likely, it costs a lot of money to find some random well of oil, somewhere on Earth, and ship out a million barrels per day.

Anyway, I'm not convinced that the scandal is real, considering that if you invented a working car that runs on water, you'd make a lot more money than whatever they'd pay you to destroy it.

Still though, it seems odd that after more than a hundred years, we're still driving cars that run on gas, and they still get pretty bad mileage.

Also, why does my Honda Civic from 1991 still get better mileage than almost every new car being made today? Are we not advancing?

Actually right now it gets a whopping ZERO miles per gallon, but that will hopefully change tomorrow. And then I can leave my 1-mile-radius prison.

---

Uplifting Entry of Happiness

2010-01-13T23:33:00.004-07:00

Not that anybody cares, but lately I have been uninspired to make any blog entries, notwithstanding the fact that I have WAY too much free time on my hands.

You see, I tune pianos for a "living". I can't go tune a piano without a functioning car. My car needs fixing, which will cost most of the money that I have.

I have a friend, however, who wants to fix it for me for much less, though his schedule is very busy so I'm waiting to hear back from him. In the meantime, I can't go anywhere outside of my walking distance.

So I should use this time to write music and finish my upcoming "Hymninalism" album, right?

Wrong. I can't do that either because my mixer decided to die, the very same day my car did, making it impossible for me to write any music unless I want to click it in, note by note, with my mouse, which is also on the verge of death, actually.

So I have reached a bit of a standstill, hence the lack of blog entries. Basically, I'm just trying to find a way to keep myself busy, which has proven to be remarkably difficult.

Cleaning, going to the temple, applying for jobs that are near my apartment, and playing my piano. That's about it. I haven't been this completely useless since before I learned to walk.

---

Car

2010-01-09T14:07:00.002-07:00

Yesterday my car broke down in the middle of a fairly busy 6-lane road, and so I had to push it across a couple of lanes to the shoulder.

Which isn't really that big of a deal. But what kind of surprised me is how rude some people can be here. I was standing half-in, half-out of my car trying to push it and steer it at the same time, and people were actually cutting me off. Seriously!

I had to literally slam on the brakes to keep from hitting people as they pulled right in front of me, notwithstanding that I was very clearly trying to get my car out of the road. Jerk-faces.

Luckily there was a guy in a van that had the good sense to stop for a few seconds and let me get out of the road. I almost got hit like 7 times. I couldn't believe it.

The sadly ironic thing is that I was legitimately going to use yesterday to tune up my car and take car of any maintenance problems. And then it dies.

---

Speaking

2010-01-04T18:52:00.003-07:00

I like to hang out with medical students and ask them all sorts of random questions about the body. It makes me feel like I'm getting a doctorate degree without all the studying.

Speaking of which, it turns out that you can in fact have your bellybutton removed.

Which reminds me of this video that Bryan was very excited to show everyone when we were home over Christmas.

Which reminds me that there are only 355 days left until next Christmas! Wooo hoooo.

Speaking of days, it was 80 degrees outside yesterday. Craaazy.

Speaking of crazy, one of my friends had a little dinner party last night that involved "hot pots", which is some sort of Asian dinner where you have lots of raw items that you put in a pot of boiling water in front of you, with your chopsticks and then pull it out and eat it with rice and other substances. It was supremely delicious. And there was shrimp! I love shrimp.

---

Neeewwwww Year.

2010-01-01T19:11:00.009-07:00

I imagine that blog sites such as this one get a surge of activity at the start of the new year. Especially with this wretched recession going on there must be a lot of very determined writers out there thinking that they'll be blogging full-time by next December.

I don't really make New Year's resolutions. Occasionally I'll make a resolution and it just happens to be on the first day of the year, but since the start of a new year is, really, completely irrelevant, when you think about it, I make resolutions whenever I feel like it.

And today I don't feel like it.

In fact most of my life-altering paradigm-shifting decisions happen towards the beginning of the summer. But that was when I was in Utah and the seasons would actually change. The snow would dry up and I would resolve to start running again. Woo hoo.

Here, it's summertime all @#%&$# year. So you'll never know when I might ambush you with a list of all the amazing poop I'm gonna change. Sleep in fear.

In the meantime, I thought that all you millions of readers would like to see some thoroughly exciting pictures of my Christmas vacation up in Washington with my entire immediate family. Which is actually almost the same size as my entire extended family.

Cookie Decorating

The Woodland Park Zoo

The Seattle Waterfront

---

Lights

2009-12-22T16:33:00.003-07:00

They decorate the temple grounds with Christmas lights here every year.

I like Christmas lights, but walking across the grounds, I can't help but feel like I'm in Wonderland. As in Alice in Wonderland.

In this case I would turn to the old saying, "less is more."

Your face is funny.

2009-12-22T00:24:00.002-07:00

I never really expect anyone to laugh at my jokes. It always surprises me when they do.

One reason for this is that people often laugh at what I say when I'm being completely serious, and then they take me seriously when I'm trying to be funny.

It happens all the time. It's been that way my whole life. And it's really not so much the lack of laughter when I'm making jokes that bugs me. It's when I'm being serious and people laugh.

I guess I still haven't figured out the whole "facial expressions" thing because people always misinterpret me. I pretty much expect it now.

It was especially bad as a teenager. People would always ask me "What's wrong?" when I was perfectly content with life. So annoying.

And then in serious situations people would always turn to me and ask "What's so funny? What are you laughing about?" And then I stand there dumbfounded, wondering if they were actually talking to me or someone else.

---

Quote of the day.

2009-12-20T18:56:00.002-07:00

"An intellectual takes a simple thing and says it in a hard way. An artist takes a hard thing and says it in a simple way."

A true statement. My favorite people in this world can communicate a lot without using very many words.

It's very refreshing to speak with people that, rather than just talk a lot and depend on some of what they say to make sense, they refine their speech with fewer, more well-placed words that mean more.

Not that I'm some brilliant poet or something. I'm just saying.

---

Humbug

2009-12-18T18:35:00.003-07:00

This city will never feel like Christmas to me.

Today had a high of 76 degrees. And there are palm trees everywhere. Palm trees are the antithesis of Christmas. They're like the Anti-Christ.

Right now the weather is exactly how it should be during the middle of Summer. I helped someone move yesterday and I was sweating like a polar bear in a sauna.

And everywhere I go I hear Christmas music like "Let it Snow" and "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" and I'm like... nope. No it's not.

Doesn't look anything like it.

---

If you like Pina-Colada!

2009-12-17T13:07:00.004-07:00

I'm back! Yeah!

[Applause, applause.]

So I was in the grocery store yesterday, I come around a corner and BAM! The heavens open and there's a ray of light shining down upon the Pineapple stand.

I love pineapples, more than any other edible thing on this planet. And yesterday they were on sale for 49 cents/pound. Which was great because I had a date last night and I had been wanting to try this for a while:

Mmmmmmmm so good! We filled them with Lime-aid, which I just had for the first time the other day and I loved it. So it was delicious because it mixed with the juices from the fruit. It was like a naturally refilling drink. Awesome. I would do it all the time if pineapples weren't normally really expensive.

---

The next big thing.

2009-12-11T18:08:00.002-07:00

Whatever it is that's keeping me sick, it's the most effective weight loss treatment that exists. If we could harness this disease, we could make billions.

Wrap your head around this.

In the last 72 hours, all I've done is sleep, shower, post on this blog, drink lots of water, and *force* myself to eat one bowl of cereal. I only ate the cereal because I realized that it had been almost three days since I ate last, and I heard somewhere that people can only survive for three days without food. I was afraid that I might die right during the middle of one of my awesome hallucinations.

Anyone who's anyone, who knows me, knows that I like food, and I hate not eating it. And with my immune system waging nuclear warfare inside my body, you would think that I would need to replenish.

Nope. Just not hungry.

Imagine if we could discover what it is about this strange illness that eliminates the need for food! People could lose weight super fast!

My sense of time is completely shot. I've been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past couple days, and yet through all of that, I did my laundry! Ha!

It was seriously one of the hardest things I've ever done, having no energy, nor any will to live, but I did it, and at the end, I got to put on some very warm socks.

---

A new disease.

2009-12-10T19:12:00.004-07:00

This sickness that I have going on right now is very weird.

So far, this is what I've been experiencing. Perhaps you can tell me what it is.

Hallucinations while trying to sleep.
Going back and forth between shivering uncontrollably and sweating a lot.
Losing the sense of taste. It's not completely gone but the front half of my mouth is.
Being incredibly exhausted.

It's not a cold, since I don't have a sore throat or stuffy nose or anything. We can also rule out leprosy since I still have all my limbs intact.

---

Whatever man, I know what I saw.

2009-12-09T16:21:00.002-07:00

Last night I somehow contracted a disease. As a result of this, I spent the entire night having crazy-weird hallucinations. It was quite a trip.

It was different than a dream. In this case, I was very much awake for almost the entire night. I could see my clock and tell what time it was, and I got up to get a drink of water at one point.

But for some reason, all of the folds and creases on my blankets were acting as portals to architectural landmarks, such as the Space Needle, The Eiffel Tower, Pyramids, etc. Anytime I shifted around my room became a big jumble of all sorts of places and buildings.

And of course there were all sorts of random people coming and going through my room. Talking to me, acting like it's perfectly normal to have a wicked hallucination from nothing at all. Even as I got up to go to the bathroom this continued.

The only other time I remember this happening was when I was really little, and it was terrifying. I remember lying in my bed and being too scared to even move, so I just sat there and watched the hours tick by at a painfully slow pace.

Last night wasn't so bad. It wasn't scary.... it was just ridiculously weird. If that's what it's like to take hallucinogenic drugs, I think I would prefer to just have a good night's sleep.

Anyway, I got up about an hour ago, and I think I'm gonna go back to bed in about an hour. My whole body is super exhausted.

---

Happy? Sad? Angry? You choose!

2009-12-05T18:26:00.002-07:00

For some reason I feel obligated to mention that this is my 100th post for this blog.

...waiting..... waiting.....

Hmmm. Nothing happened. That's a let-down.

Well anyway, in honor of this occasion, you get to decide whether you want this to be a positive entry or a negative one. Think of it as a choose-your-own-adventure novel.

If you want Stephen to tell you something happy and uplifting, scroll down to where it says "Bunnies and Rainbows."

If you want to hear Stephen puke out obscenities about the blatant stupidity that plagues our society, scroll down to the section titled "Brimstone and Maggots."

Good luck.

Bunnies and Rainbows

I went to the Warner Brothers Studios this morning and sat in on a recording session for the USC graduate composition students. Let me tell you why it was amazing:

1. Despite land being 4 times more expensive in LA than everywhere else, the scoring stage we went to is 4 times bigger and 12 times more expensive than everything else on Earth.

2. The control room has a sound board that is bigger than most recording studios. I'm pretty sure they have about 300 channels at their disposal. And they might have even used them all, at one point. Probably not though. Nevertheless, all of the buttons light up. I should have brought my camera.

3. Every musician in the orchestra arrived 20 minutes early. I always thought it was just a myth or an ignorant blabbering when I would hear people in both Seattle and Utah talk about how musicians in LA are just better than everywhere else. From what I've seen so far, it's true. They play more in tune, more expressive, more precise, and they don't seem to be as self-conscious and insecure as other performers.

4. The entire back wall is a movie screen. This is so the conductor can watch the film while the orchestra is playing to it.

It was a really great experience. Truly awesome.

--- The happiness ends here. ---

Brimstone and Maggots

I hate Kinkos.

More than anything in this world, I hate that wretched abomination of a copy center.

Their customer service is pathetic. I truly hate it when I ask for something and the person working there somehow makes me feel guilty for bothering him with my business.

Their prices are ridiculous. I had to print out a score. 20 tabloid pages, single-sided. $22.

That's right. they charge $1.08 per page. Not to mention the $.25 per minute it costs just to use their stupid computers that barely work, running Windows 95. I paid $24 to print out a 20-page score.

Then I wanted to get it bound. The guy was a jerk to me. He literally talked me out of it.

"Well, look. For a coil binding on tabloid paper the only thing we can do is put two bindings on it, which will take some time, and you're looking at the cost of two full bindings plus a 5-dollar setup fee. We're talking at least $18."

A five dollar "setup fee"? I'm not stupid! I've seen how bindings are done. I could walk back there and do it myself with ZERO training! And you're telling me that each one of those little plastic coils cost $6?

Wow. Kinkos, You suck. That's all I can say. You're just a crappy, crappy business, and I hope you burn.

So I went to Staples instead. They don't have as many options, but I was able to get the exact same thing that I would have paid $18 for at Kinkos, for a grand total of $3.50. I have the reciept to prove it.

My newest goal for this lifetime is to destroy Kinkos.

---

Hola. Blog-o Entry-o

2009-12-04T18:27:00.003-07:00

I like how Latinos will instantly become my best friend if I speak to them in Spanish.

Like yesterday I went to get my hair cut, and the lady cutting my hair was barely talking to me at all. Just a few basic questions, for the sake of pretending to make conversation. Her English was pretty good, but not perfect.

After about 10 minutes I answered one of her questions in Spanish, and after that I couldn't get her to be quiet. We're best buddies now.

It works every single time.

Here's another example. I went with my Grandpa to the Golden Corral to eat dinner. I'll never understand why they have servers at a buffet, but they do, and ours was a Hispanic lady. She asked us a couple questions from a survey and I muttered something in Spanish.

After somehow managing to contain her excitement, she went and got her daughter, who also works there, to "show" me (awkward)... (especially with Grandpa there). After her daughter went back to her own tables, our server started telling me about how she's a member of the church and goes to school and doesn't do drugs and asked me to give her my phone number so she can go out with me.

I'm not exaggerating. You can ask my grandpa. He thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

Anyway, I remember before I went to Oaxaca thinking about how much I'd love to understand what Hispanics are saying around me because I always thought they were talking about me. I have yet to overhear someone talking about me in Spanish.

It's too bad, too. I always wanted to jump in right at the punch line and be like "Why yes, I am very fat. Thanks for noticing." And then start crying.

---

It's December now.

2009-12-02T16:14:00.002-07:00

I was looking at my traffic results for this blog, and I'm kind of surprised to find that there is no correlation between how many visitors I get and whether or not I actually post anything.

I've been sort of busy. And then I went home and was sort of lazy.

Visiting the homestead is great in small doses... but I think I would gain a considerable amount of weight if I went there more than twice per year. For some reason I have no conscience at all when it comes to food at home. I just sort of eat stuff. And drink pop. I never drink pop unless I'm at home.

Applying for the graduate film scoring program at USC was more of a hassle than I anticipated.

Yesterday I had an interview with the head of the program there and he seemed to like me okay. So I can maybe get in. If I want to have billions of dollars of debt.

The funny thing is that they accept about 25% of applicants. The BYU Media Music program has considerably more applicants and last year they accepted less than 5%.

It's true. In terms of just numbers, it's harder to get into the BYU School of Music than any conservatory in the country, including Juilliard. And yet they're closing the Media program because they can't seem to afford a full-time faculty member to run it. Nevermind that they have FIVE full time composition faculty, a program that accepts everyone who applies, and usually has about 10 students.

This is a boring blog entry.

---

Snobs. And God.

2009-11-24T02:43:00.003-07:00

It's interesting.

I've just spent the last hour or so going through all my old mp3's of stuff that I wrote, and of course it brings back all sorts of memories about the setting and time of my life in which I wrote that music.

But I can't get over how much a lot of it really, really sucks.

I remember being so excited to share some of these tracks with all my friends and family, and now I'm embarrassed that I actually created some of this crap. Seriously, it's hard for me to listen to it. It gives me that awkward, queezy, anxious feeling that you get when you think about that time you made a complete idiot out of yourself.

Think about it.

And this is stuff from only two years ago. Maybe three.

Some of it sounds just like the garbage that I would hear from younger writers and fellow students, and look down on. In my head, of course. I would never insult someone about their music, but in my head I'm like "bleagheagehghehg."

Which leads me to wonder if the stuff I'm writing now, that I'm so excited about and proud of, is in reality just a collection of useless barf that I'll be ashamed of later.

And what is this incredible change that I go through that takes me from loving some creation of mine, to loathing its very existence?

Understanding that, makes me have a more open mind about "snobs".

You're a doctor. Imagine for a moment that all those countless hours that you spent studying medicine, through 7 or 8 years of college... imagine that you spent them studying music instead. Think of all the late nights you stayed up delving deeper and deeper into all the history and theory and technique and such that even self-proclaimed "music buffs" don't even scratch the surface of.

You've listened to and studied a wider variety of music in a few years than most people hear in a lifetime. When you hear music, any music, you immediately start breaking it down in your head, analyzing the chord structure, instrumentation, figuring out the relationship between the melody and the harmony.

Because you're so fascinated by it, you're always looking for something new and unique, and you're always trying to achieve a higher standard of quality. Both compositionally speaking, and in terms of sound quality.

So naturally, what happens when you hear something that's pathetically simple, and hardly even "catchy"? All of a sudden, you're a snob.

Sure, you appreciate low-quality music for what it's worth... to relax, not think. You have to come back down to square one to enjoy it. It's the most basic and unfulfilling form of entertainment.

In that context, does it really seem so surprising that professional musicians have little patience for low-quality music? And that they can appreciate and really truly enjoy music that most people just don't understand? Like modern art music... They literally hear it very differently than everyone else, simply because they've studied.

It's just like how professional photographers see pictures differently, and professional film producers watch movies differently.

If you were to study photography full time, the way you take pictures would change drastically. If you delved into music full time, your compositions would undoubtedly improve, and you would look back at your old music and wonder what you were thinking.

It's exactly why a lot of people don't understand Mormons... or any devout Christians for that matter. If you were to really dive into the scriptures and study it full time, the way you see God would most certainly change.

In fact it would most definitely improve. And then you would become obsessed with learning more and trying to reach a higher standard. And then you would look at those who have made no effort whatsoever to learn anything about God at all, and wonder why they can't see what you see.

And of course they'll make fun of you and call you snobs or self-righteous or what-not, just like how unlearned people make fun of modern art concerts, and visual arts, and modern dance concerts. Just like how fast food-goers don't understand gourmet food.

They've never experienced anything above the lowest plane of enjoyment and so they don't believe there is anything higher. They don't realize that higher planes of joy require work and dedication to experience.

Which is why some people think that waiting for marriage is a noble pursuit but ultimately pointless. They reduce love to something merely physical and temporary.

People are too obsessed with the idea that they shouldn't have to put any work into it. Instead they laugh at Christianity and advanced forms of art and music, as well as literature and philosophy, devoting themselves exclusively to cheap entertainment and fleeting thrills, unable to understand why some of us firmly believe in this ridiculous concept known as

"God"

They just don't put forth the effort.

---

worst trick ever.

2009-11-23T00:41:00.002-07:00

I have such a hard time with the return key being right next to the apostrophe key.

Who designed this thing? Didn't they look into the future, see billions of people chatting online, and realize that all sorts of sentences were going to get abruptly cut off because of bad key positioning?

This happens to me all the time!

Martha is online.

Stephen: Hey Martha!

Martha: Hey Stephen! Will you give me a ride to the airport at 5?

Stephen: I can

Martha: Great! See you tomorrow!

Stephen: 't

Martha disconnected.

Stephen: Hey wait! I meant to write CAN'T! It was supposed to be CAN'T!! Some moron played the biggest April fools joke in the history of nerdome by putting that wretched key in the worst possible spot! COME BACK!!

No one cares.

Stephen: What? Who is saying this? Martha's gone.

Exactly. So there's no one to hear you scream.

Stephen: Wait... what? what do you... GEAGGHHEAHGHEGAH!!!

That last part is what I usually type while people sneak up behind me and choke me to death.

On the plus side of things, I bought a 10-pound bag of potatoes at the store a couple days ago for 69 cents.

Ten pounds of potatoes for 69 cents!

I haven't eaten them yet but buying them seemed like the sensible thing to do... even if they go bad... which they're likely to do...

---

bonus blog entry!

2009-11-21T18:20:00.004-07:00

What's the deal with "bonus" tracks on albums?

Does no one else see straight through this kind of nonsense?

Whenever I would go to the record store as a wee tike, I would see CD's that have "bonus track" plastered all over the cover like you've just won the lottery!

Congratulations! All this time you thought that track number 12 was included in the album... nope! It's actually not part of the CD at all!

In fact, that track was captured from a parallel universe, sold for bounty, traded on the black market, and then smuggled into the US to be added as a rare bonus track on this album!

It's so different than the other 11 songs!

It especially bothers me when they have bonus tracks and other BS on iTunes. It's not even a physical product! How can there possibly be a bonus track? And what's the difference between your 11 tracks + 1 bonus track, or the other guy's album that just has 12 ordinary, common-place, peasant tracks?

And then of course there are "exclusives"! Woo hooo! Hey, this album was just barely released, and they even included some exclusives! Are there actually people out there that pick up an album and say

"My lucky day! I found the ONE copy of this mass-produced CD being sold all over the world that has an exclusive! Ha ha ha ha take that all you excluded losers!"

I feel like I should be offended that they really think I'm that dumb.

---

Pay attention to this!

2009-11-18T22:53:00.002-07:00

Here's a hypothetical situation for you:

Stephen(seemed like a good name, at random), lives with... Frobert... we shall call him that.... Frobert.

Stephen makes some delicious food. More delicious food than he can feasably eat in one sitting. Feeling particularly generous that day, he offers to share some of this delicious food with his roommate, Frobert.

Frobert accepts.

Frobert then proceeds to help himself to a portion of the delicious food, but rather than consume said food, he packs it away and puts it in the fridge. Evidently, Frobert seems to think that Stephen's polite offer was an opportunity for him to stock up on food for the upcoming days.

Never do this! It's so tacky! There is a huge difference between sharing and giving away.

If someone is eating food that they just cooked, and they offer it to you, it's because they want to include you in the wonderfully fresh meal.

It is NOT because they want you to store the leftovers in the fridge and then write your name on it so no one else can have it and then go back to your homework and ignore everyone around you. Fool!

And the worst part is that then, the next day, Stephen opens the fridge and sees the leftovers that he cooked, that evidently he can't have because they now belong to someone else. The cook always owns the leftovers unless otherwise specified! Shameless morons!

Done.

---

ew. seriously dude.

2009-11-16T14:45:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I wear my headphones while I'm working on stuff, without anything playing.

I just use them to block out the sounds of my roommate chewing. Seriously. I can't understand how people grow up without learning to chew with their mouth closed.

---

My world debut on national TV

2009-11-13T20:40:00.002-07:00

Can you find Stephen in this picture?

Well, I'm sure most of you are well aware of this by now, but just in case you haven't left your basement for the last few days, I am now officially a star!

That's right, I was on national television on Tuesday night. I went and sat in the audience for The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. Naturally they decided to take a second and film me for the world to see, since, you know, it's me.

So I'm actually thinking about switching to films pretty soon here, I mean the TV audience gig is fun and everything, but it just doesn't pay enough for my level of talent.

Don't worry though, I'll remember all you little people. And by that I mean all you worthless tiny people that actually work and contribute to society. You're nothing compared to us celebrities!

Anyway, yeah I was sitting in the top corner. They gave me a whole 3 pixels for my face, so I'm doing pretty good so far.

---

The math behind pizza.

2009-11-12T20:06:00.004-07:00

Being able to make a good pizza has done nothing but benefit me in life. I wish I had gotten started earlier.

How many people have you ever met that are like,

"What? Pizza? Ew, dude, shoot me in the face! That crap is bleagheaghegheagheghaeghegha...."

That last part would be the sound of them throwing up from thinking about pizza.

Yeah no. That doesn't happen.

The math here is simple. Everyone enjoys a good pizza(p). Because of this, it can be assumed that when adding a good pizza(p) to any random sampling of everyone(e), the result would be enjoyment, or happiness(h), in this case.

p + e = h

In math, we seldom see a situation where pizza(p) is present, and happiness(h) is not, excluding the rare occasion that no one(n) is also present, thus eliminating the possibility for happiness(h), since we know that happiness(h) requires everyone(e) or at least someone(s), and cannot coexist peacefully with no one(n).

The combination of pizza(p) and no one(n) equals moldy pizza(mp).

p + n = mp

Excluding this rare exception, pizza(p) and happiness(h) are the same thing.

p = h

Therefore, if you have the power to create(c) a good pizza(p), or, a pizza that everyone(e) will enjoy, it can be assumed that you have the power to create happiness(h) for everyone(e).

cp + e = ch + e

It gets a little complicated from there, but you can sort of get the idea of what we're talking about.

---

The Tonight Show!

2009-11-10T21:01:00.006-07:00

Congratulations to me! This is officially the 89th post on Ginkgo Dew and Universe Juice. That's right everyone. Eighty-nine.

So, to celebrate this momentous occasion, and also to give me something that's actually worth writing about, my roommate and I went to Universal Studios and attended the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. We just got back.

Unfortunately, they threaten you with torture and death if you so much as hint that you might pull out a camera and take any sort of recording at all. So, sad to say, I have no pictures of my own to show you.

But here's a picture of my ticket and fancy-schmancy little wristband in case you don't believe me.

But it was way fun! It's amazing how small the studio is compared to how it looks on TV. Their band is awesome. Conan is a very funny man.

They had Jessica Biel on the show, who up until today I thought was a completely different person. I was like, wait, so when is Jessica going to come through the curtains? And who is that girl? Wait... what? ... I guess I need to read more tabloids and keep up to date on people that I'll never meet.

Jessica Biel:

Not Jessica Biel:

Glad we got that taken care of. I always think it's funny when they have people on the show that are promoting the new film that they're "starring" in, when it's animated. Today they showed a clip of "her" in the film Planet 51 and all she said was "hmmm."

So anyway I'll let you all know if I made it on screen... and by that I mean I'll let you know if I ended up being a little speck in the back of the audience, on screen. I mean I'm practically famous now. So... yeah.

---

My ears are ringing.

2009-11-09T22:47:00.002-07:00

I never really liked to try to meet new people in a really really loud place. Like at a dance.

"I'm from Poland!"

"Oh I love Berlin!"

"Merlin? Like the wizard?"

"Lizard? What?"

"Can I have your number?"

"NO!"

"GO? GO WHERE?"

"YOU HAVE NO HAIR? WHAT?"

Yeah, no. Like one time I went speed-dating, which I highly recommend purely for the comedic relief, and it was just an hour of yelling. Super fun, deafening experience.

---

Ah, the media.

2009-11-06T13:20:00.006-07:00

I remember the good old days when people were tried and hanged for spreading propaganda against their government.

On Tuesday I was at my friends' apartment and they were watching the pilot episode of "V", a new 13-episode series about the invasion of aliens who seem incredibly peaceful but are secretly here to abduct half of our population and use us for energy.

The aliens are portrayed as being incredibly appealing, convincing the masses to blindly follow them, and a lot of people in the show immediately become very passionate about supporting the aliens even though they really don't understand what's at stake.

The moment that really made me laugh: In an interview with a reporter, the alien leader says that in return for the the humans' hospitality, they will use their technological advances to establish health facilities that will cure any disease and be free for everyone.

The reporter replies, "Oh you mean like universal healthcare?"

Another great line:

"The aliens are using the most powerful weapon that exists: devotion."

They made a big deal about that line and I had to laugh. Not that I really care, since I'm still undecided about the health care debate, but could they be any less subtle? Seriously?

---

Fruit of the loom. Pun!

2009-11-05T16:08:00.003-07:00

I simply can't understand how it's possible for American Apparel to stay in business.

They post ads all over Facebook, and I click on them from time to time in a desperate hope that they might have finally started designing something that people might actually want to wear.

My hope has been in vain, every time.

The fashion industry as a whole always struck me as going against the law of supply and demand, being that all the most expensive, "top notch" companies were constantly coming out with stuff that I had never seen anyone wear, ever.

And then I went to Hollywood, and my eyes were opened.

On an unrelated note, I've made a Halloween-year's resolution to eat more fruit and veggies, based on the advice of some random creepy anonymous commenter on a previous post about me getting sick.

I wish we could make some drastic, incredible change in our country to have healthy food be cheap and everything else stay cheap.

What's the cheapest healthy food that you buy?

---

I dunno dude.

2009-11-04T19:41:00.004-07:00

Lately I've been reading.

(I'll give you a second to recover from the shock.)

I seldom have any political views about anything simply because when I do any research at all, both sides are always so convincing that I can never decide what my opinion should be.

I don't understand why everyone else has always pledged their soul to one extreme or the other and I'm just like "well, they both seem to be right....so.... maybe we could just... compromise or something......."

Not only that but both sides always seem so depressingly gloomy that I am convinced that this country will be just a smoldering crater by the year 2012.

I have to wonder how many politicians actually enjoy their jobs. They're always so angry. And they're so mean to each other... I mean I decided to go into music because it makes me happy. Are there any little kids out there that are dead set on running for office because they find happiness in arguing and fighting all day?

I can't understand why anyone would ever want to do that for a living. I could see doing it part time if you're passionate about a certain issue, but if you ask a politician what they really truly love to do, I don't think too many of them would say "fighting and yelling at the other party."

Not to mention how the media blatantly mocks pretty much anyone who has ever held any office at all. Why do we do that?

---

Something's not right here.

2009-11-03T17:44:00.003-07:00

For some inexplicable reason I find myself sick yet again.

Why? I was just barely sick! I always thought that getting a cold was sort of a one-week requirement that we all have to fulfill each year, and once you've done your part you're free to go for a while. I shouldn't have to deal with this again for at least another 3 or 4 months!

Oh well.

---

Anything-goes-day!!

2009-11-01T21:55:00.008-07:00

Who doesn't love Halloween?

It is seriously one of the greatest ideas we have come up with for several reasons, which I shall enumerate. I'll not bother to list why little kids love it. It's just too obvious.

1. It lives up to its purpose. Few of our holidays actually do this. Christmas and Easter have become ridiculous. And it has always bothered me that bunnies do not lay eggs! Who came up with that? But Halloween, having no purpose at all, is perfectly acceptable. Please don't Google it and then explain to me the real meaning behind it.

2. Nerds can dress the way they actually want to, and would if only it were socially acceptable.

3. The rest of us can watch the nerds live out their dream for just one night, which is endlessly entertaining.

4. It's really easy to meet new people. Just start talking about their costume. "Hey! Looks good! What's that? You want to give me your number? Okay!" The problem is that you can never be sure if you might regret it later... I mean people look very different in costume. Speaking of which,

5. People like me can hide behind costumes and make up. It's the one night that no one will judge you by your looks because they can't tell what you look like. It's fantastic!

6. Haunted houses and hayrides. They never get old. Well, they do, but it never gets old to scare people that go through them with you. Seriously, it never gets old. I've tried to make it get old... it never does. Never.

And of course people never run out of amazingly creative costume ideas. I didn't really go all out this year since I didn't even really start thinking about it until yesterday morning, but I got a lot of pictures at a party I went to. Here are some of the best.

"Squid"

Marvin the Martian.

---

Chocolate + Pumpkin = Fate worse than death.

2009-10-29T23:55:00.002-06:00

I hereby declare that Ceasar salad dressing is superior to its Ranch-flavored counterpart in every way. It always has been and always shall be. Ranch just isn't as good.

Dare ye contradict me?

Speaking of two horrible things that should never go together, my roommate just left to go to the store to get some chocolate chip pumpkin cake. A filthy disgrace that should never have been born.

Chocolate = kinda' gross.

Pumpkin = foul, indisputably disgusting, vomit-inducing nastiness that only grew on this earth as a direct result of the Fall of Adam, forsaken by God, and is useful only to be desecrated into jack-o-lanterns, and that's a shady business in itself.

It boggles my mind that we allow people to combine these two evils without them being disowned by their families and shunned and exiled by society, to be banned to some far away island, inhabited only by colonies of lepers.

Worse still is that some fool decided long ago to allow pumpkin pie to be a part of Thanksgiving. Here you have a splendid meal, and someone always comes along and ruins it by bringing a nasty pumpkin pie. It's like peeing in your Cheerios. I'm still working on suppressing the gag reflex.

Has no one else noticed that pumpkin pie is really really really gross? Am I the only one? Seriously? The only reason anyone can stomach that crap is because it's so loaded down with sugar and fat that it almost cancels out the seaweed flavored grime to where it's a sort of semi-conscious bland entity, looking up at you with an apathetic, boring glare, past the point of feeling, wanting nothing more than death to come and take it from it's shameful, moist, gluttony existence.

I wash my hands of you, pumpkin.

---

Overpriced names.

2009-10-28T20:03:00.004-06:00

The best thrift store purchase I've ever made was a dressy trench coat made by Gucci that I bought at DI for $8. I didn't like it that much compared to another one that I have so I gave it back to DI when I moved to California.

On a whim, I looked it up online the other day to see how much it was worth.

$900.

Yep. Of course, "worth" is all relative. I'd say it's really worth about 20 or 30 bucks, but if you wanted to buy it new, online, you'd have to pay more than the value of my entire wardrobe.

And I've never understood why people pay way, way too much for clothes that have a fancy-schmancy brand name, when the name is not visible.

This blog entry ends here.

---

[couldn't think of a title. Go away.]

2009-10-27T18:49:00.002-06:00

I just spent six hours "writing music."

Everything I wrote completely sucks. So now I have to make the terrible decision to either cut my losses and delete everything, or spending twice as much time massaging this piece of crap until it's almost mediocre.

It's useless. So I thought I'd take a break and make a blog entry. Lo and behold, can't think of anything to write about.

Think of all the things I could have done with those six hours. I've could have worked somewhere for 8 dollars an hour and then used the $35(after taxes) to buy a Christmas present for some starving orphan in some strange, far away, war-torn land. Or for some starving orphan here in LA.

Bleeaaaagghghghghgeaeghghgeageghaehg

That was me barfing.

---

Say that again!

2009-10-26T13:51:00.002-06:00

I wonder about screen writers that feel no shame when they write something similar to this:

SALLY: We just need to figure out a way to get Mr. Beesely to confess to the murder.

TED: Yeah. Hey do you want some orange juice?

SALLY: What? Wait... say that again!

TED: Umm.... Do you want some orange juice?

SALLY: That's it! Ted you're a genius!

(Sally kisses Ted on the cheek and then runs out the door enthusiastically. Ted stands there confused and also noticeably pleased about the kiss.)

Honestly! Who in the history of the Earth has ever really needed someone to "say that again" when they're having an epiphany? It's so dumb!

Just change the names and vital keywords in the dialogue above and you now have the script to the pivotal moment in every police/detective/murder-mystery TV show ever made.

And it's not just the fact that one idiot actually came up with it, to the everlasting shame of our species, but that so many millions of unoriginal writers actually thought it was a good idea and copied it! Why? Why?

---

I lost my number. That's all.

2009-10-25T21:36:00.002-06:00

"My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in."

I think that one of my life-long goals is to use that pick up line in the perfect moment. Chances of me remembering it when it really counts? About 7.

I'll let you decide what that number means.

It reminds me of when I was a freshman in college, and my roommate was going on a date with a girl for the third or fourth time, and he came to me for advice because he wanted to kiss her. He had never kissed anyone before and so he wanted me to tell him how to go about it.

NOW, for those of you that know me, you know that I'm often mistaken for being serious when I'm full-out joking. A problem I'm still working on.

So I told him to wait until the end of the night and then bust out this terrible pick-up line about kissing that was something like this:

"Your lips are all wrinkly. Want me to smooth them out for you?"

A couple days later, that girl was eating lunch with me and she was like,

"You would never believe what your roommate did the other night! It was so pathetic!"

My heart sank. He actually did it. One of the only times I've ever wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

Luckily she thought it was "cute" or whatever. Psssssh. They ended up dating. Happy ending.

---

Just what I need!

2009-10-20T16:41:00.004-06:00

Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of the LA underground crap exchange, as I've decided to call it. It's how I found my couch-bed, and other various little tables and such.

But I think that someone living on my block has officially taken it too far.

Yes. To answer your question. Someone on our block actually legitimately believes that if they put their old, used toilets, both of which are broken, out on the curbside, that someone would want them.

Gives new meaning to my phrase, "underground crap exchange."

More than anything it's just been a place for lots of people to come and take pictures with which to update their FB profiles. People driving by saw us snapping pics and stopped to do the same thing.

You see, though it may be California, it's still technically America, and toilets are a permanent feature to any house. Few tenants are ever in need.

But I can just see those who put them out on the curb thinking to themselves,

"Being generous and giving just makes me feel so good inside. After all, this toilet shortage has gone too far, and we need to do our part to help out! Come take our broken, disgusting toilet! Freedom! Three cheers for America!"

I could go on but I'm done.

---

Tax dollars hard at work.

2009-10-19T14:15:00.002-06:00

I remember one of the most frustrating and annoyingly tedious tasks of the third grade, for me at least. That would be learning how to write in cursive.

What a ridiculous waste of time! Do they still force little kids to learn this? Do they still force them to stress and agonize over learning how to make their letters all curvy and illegible? It's basically the same as teaching someone to have bad handwriting.

It's pretty rare that I ever even have to read anything in cursive, and when I do see it, I usually can't help but get angry at whoever wrote it. It's a pain to read! Honestly! It doesn't save any time. It just bothers the rest of us, and by that I mean the 99.9% of the population that have long since abandoned it.

I wish I could go back in time, and visit little Stephen, sitting at the kitchen table, forced to keep writing out crap in cursive until he gets it right, while the rest of the family is in the next room, watching a movie, him sitting there fighting off the urge to cry because he can't get it right.

I would like to go back and visit him and say, "Hey, little buddy. Don't worry about it. Just go ahead and fail this little portion of the third grade. Turns out it will have absolutely no effect on your life at all in any way. Everything they're telling you is a LIE! Nothing to worry about, dude. Now go watch the movie. Oh and also don't write on the bus seats with permanent markers. Bad idea."

I think I'd also tell him to invest everything he has in Google.

---

mmm yes, muaaahhh.

2009-10-17T16:14:00.002-06:00

I found this picture today and it's worth sharing. Ironically, in spite of it being a cake, they managed to get pretty darn close to the recreating the original painting, by just using squeeze tubes full of cake frosting.

Makes you wonder how much time was put into the original. Ahh, impressionism. What a wonderful movement.

Actually if I had to choose which artistic movement to be a part of, that would be Minimalism. Those guys had it easy. Seriously, I wish I could make a million dollars by taking a silver cube and placing it in the middle of a white room and calling it art.

Don't even get me started on the music. By far my favorite part of the music history classes I got to take, not only because you can learn everything there is to know about the entire "genre" in about 5 minutes, but the music is strangely addicting.

Listennnn.... to the muuuusiiiicc...... of minimaliiiiiismmmm.... mwa ha ha ha ha.

I have a lot of opinions about "intellectual" music, as do most people. In the end I think it's pretty much the same as every other genre out there, have some really amazingly great stuff, and an awful lot of garbage.

---

I'd say something but I'm typing.

2009-10-17T01:16:00.003-06:00

"You're to humor what Hellen Keller would be to competitive paintball."

Brilliant. Another great line that I will never remember when it really counts. So sad.

Actually what really bugs me is that I always DO remember this stuff like 12 minutes after it would have been so freaking perfect. And then I occasionally fail to stop myself and it ends up with my mouth talking to much like:

"OH! Oh dude okay so like 12 minutes ago you remember when you were like 'huh huh huh' and I was like 'dude' and then you were like staring at that chair and she was like 'ummmm'? Okay go back to THAT moment and THIS is what I'm gonna say!..."

It's never quite the same.

As you can tell I'm still a bit ill... just wanting everyone to feel sorry for me... having a cold... ha ha actually I shouldn't say anything at all because one of the only people that ever reads this is Chris, and his wife is currently in the hospital with all sorts of stuff going on that just makes me be like,

hmmmm yeah I think I'll just stick with my cold and be happy about it.

---

gnehph!

2009-10-15T02:02:00.002-06:00

Often times I read something that is priceless and I'm like, oh duuude I am SOO going to use that!

I never remember it. It's so sad. SaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddDUH!

Like just now I was reading a comic and I came across this:

"Is it cold in here? Because this place is heated by the souls of the damned and I think Hell just froze over."

I have my naturally witty moments but I'm not consistent enough to depend on it. And today I'm sick.

AaRRRRRR you hearrrd me. That counfounded rain is a blessing and a curRRRse.

Honestly, I think it made me sick. I spent all day yesterday chillaxin with the windows open, listening to the rain, writing some tunes, and now I believe that it has fallen upon me in its wrath, determined to destroy me in bitter hatred that can only be attributed to some psychologically crippling experience it must have had as a small child.

I'll bet the rain had lousy parents.

---

I heart rain.

2009-10-13T14:07:00.003-06:00

For the first time since I've been here in LA, it is raining.

Which means that for the first time since I've arrived here, I am truly happy.

Just chillin', writing music in my PJ's with some rain in the background... it's a good life.

---

Seat's taken.

2009-10-12T19:06:00.002-06:00

There are few things in life that give me an anxiety attack as bad as trying to save a seat for someone in a crowded wherever.

If you want to be my friend, never ask me to do that. I'm not saying that we won't be friends if you do, but it will be harder for you. Just saying.

I helped a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless except no she won't because her name is Katelyn Stone, babysit these five kids, who are awesome, and she decided to take them to the dollar theater to watch a flick.

So I went to the theater quite early and saved seven seats, in a row of nine, right in the middle. The show was sold out. Kate got there with the kids fifteen minutes late. Worst experience of my life.

It is nearly impossible to save just three seats when you're all alone, but when you're trying to save seven of the best seats in the house, and your friends get there 15 minutes late? I almost ended up in the hospital for anxiety and paranoia overload.

And of course every single time I have to be a big freaking jerk telling people that they can't sit there and "honestly my friends will be here any second and blah blah blah..." It's a nightmare.

In the end I was only able to save four seats including mine because other people just sat in the other ones without caring.

Tips for life:

Don't try to save lots of seats all by yourself.
If someone is saving a seat for you, get there early. Seriously.
Don't get upset with them if they fail and you have nowhere to sit. It's your fault, not theirs.
Everything in life is easier if you just show up early.

---

Boo.

2009-10-10T11:59:00.004-06:00

Haunted houses lose their effect on you when you get older. It's really too bad. I suppose it's sort of like when you stop believing in Santa Claus.

I went with some friends to a "haunted hayride" last night, which was a lot of fun, but wasn't scary at all. I think that one of the biggest problems with these things is that you have the unfortunate security of knowing that the actors are never allowed to touch you, and vice versa.

That really ruins it for me.

Of course it's absolutely necessary or there would be law suits all over the place, but I would be so much more scared if I knew that the guy with the chain saw actually intended to remove my head with it.

I do find it incredibly fun, however, to scare the people that are with me. They never see it coming. Works every single time.

The hayride took us through various scenes of horror with a great deal of actors that were consistently running right up to the tractor and yelling in our faces. It actually made me laugh a little, but it was fun to watch.

Unfortunately they wouldn't let us take pictures which is really a shame because there was an amazingly well done demon, or dementor, or "ghost of Christmas yet-to-come" actor that was probably on stilts because he was about 12 feet tall, and had glowing red eyes and it was just... creepy. I couldn't stop looking at it. Even when all the other actors were yelling in my face trying to get my attention.

I always thought it would be fun to be an actor in one of those things. Get paid to run around and be creepy and yell at people and just be myself for once.

Anyway I took a few pictures of the carnival area at the entrance. Woo hoo. Exciting stuff.

---

I've been eating a lie.

2009-10-08T18:32:00.002-06:00

I've been conditioned by the internet to believe that everything in life can be clicked on. Unfortunately, normal paper tends to be quite consistently the same as it was decades ago before the concept of links.

Someone handed me an article that they printed up from online, and it had links all over the place, and it was even in color. I actually had to resist the urge to try and "click" on them while I read through this thing. I even brought my hand half way to the page at one point and then stopped to think about just what it was I was going to do.

Speaking of articles, and conditioning, I've been reading.

A lot of people are saying that regular, low-intensity cardiovascular activity is actually bad for you. Evidently, your body gets used to the extra movement and starts storing more fat to compensate. It lowers your metabolism. How did I not know this? Did you know this?

Word on the street is that in order to effectively lose weight, it's best to do high-intensity weight training, and sprints.

My whole world just changed. Forever.

---

I'm not sweating! Ha!

2009-10-06T20:43:00.003-06:00

Behold!! Glorious day!

No, I didn't find a job. Though that would be quite glorious as well. But, I was walking home last night in a T-shirt and shorts, and for the first time ever since I've been here in LA, I was actually, legitimately cold.

Not really cold, just a little chilly. I might have even had goosebumps. It was the greatest moment that I've gotten to experience so far in the state of California. Except for when I went to Disneyland with my orchestra in high school and had my very first fling while I was there. We broke up a week later.

Ah, the memories.

Speaking of Disneyland, I watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for the first time today. The first half of it anyway. Remarkably slow movie. It's amazing how things have changed. I timed it, and they literally took a half hour just showing the dwarfs come home, discover that someone is in their house, and then find out that it's Snow White.

And I also discovered today that Snow White and Sleeping Beauty are not the same movie! I always thought they were.

The end.

---

Wording

2009-10-05T17:47:00.002-06:00

I saw a commercial online for GM a couple days ago that had the following slogan:

"If perfection is what you pursue, we might just change your course."

Sounds an awful lot like something that I might expect the Devil to say. Obviously everyone can tell what they meant to say here... but what I see, says this:

"If you're on the path to perfection, we might just convince you to veer off of that path and settle for mediocrity."

La la la la la doo wah dee doo la la la doop dee doo.

---

Egg shells

2009-10-04T19:36:00.005-06:00

One of my favorite things to do in this mortal experience is to take a cold egg out of the fridge and crack it onto a really hot pan.

It's so satisfying!

"ssssssssizzzzzzzle.... it... speaks to me.... yes little egg.... ssspeak...... ssssssssssizzzzzzzzle....mwa ha ha ha ha ha"

A few minutes ago I did just that, but I accidentally got a little piece of shell in the mix. I saw it, thought about doing something about it, and came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth my time plus the added annoyance of getting egg goo on my fingers.

Bad idea. Egg shells are not friendly to your teeth, as I discovered. Who knew.

---

staples.

2009-10-03T20:22:00.002-06:00

Rice is cheap. I've always known that, but I've never fully appreciated just how cheap it is.

My roommate and I bought a bag at Costco. It was $3.76 for 25 cups of rice. Today I ate a bowl of it, which was about a 1/2 cup, mixed with a 1/3 can of beans, plus a little bit of cheese and salsa.

I was very stuffed when I finished. In fact I was pretty full half way through, which is why I took a break to catch this glamorous picture:

I calculated the cost in my head while I was chewing, since I didn't have anything else to do, and I came to the conclusion that all in all, the meal cost me about 40 cents. And that includes the water that I drank.

Best 40 cents I've ever spent.

---

In the middle.

2009-10-02T13:14:00.003-06:00

I recently sent in some music to a new library, and I offered to meet up with the owner to take care of the paperwork instead of mailing back and forth.

He responded by stating that although he is visiting LA at the moment, he lives

"between NY and CA."

Evidently there are only three states in this country: California, New York, and everywhere else. That's something I've noticed about the music bizz. Nobody ever wants to say "I live in Nebraska. Please take me seriously anyway."

But the space between those two states is pretty big. Really. I think next time someone asks me where I live I'll be like, "Oh I live in between Japan and Norway. Going west from Japan, not east. Just right in there... in the middle-ish area."

I suppose he could have been saying that he goes back and forth between the two. I'll bet he's got a lot of frequent flier miles if that's the case.

---

Breaking news!

2009-09-30T20:24:00.003-06:00

My roommate has successfully managed to "mount" his projector to the ceiling in our living room by hand-screwing some bolts into just the drywall and hanging the device from them with bungee cords. These are exciting times, for us all.

Speaking of excitement, one of my friends posted this link yesterday and it filled my heart with happiness to know that there are guys out there more awkward than me.

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

La la la la la la la Goodbye!

---

Oooooh wow...

2009-09-29T15:18:00.003-06:00

I'm a big fan of really interesting documentaries.

Naturally just the word "documentary" is about as appealing as the word "taxes". It brings back horrible memories of 11th grade science classes, or even worse, 6th grade health classes. I don't know why but for some reason the videos were always like 30 years old and had warped to the point that the music would bend pitches all over the place.

But the truth is that documentaries give you a chance to see something that otherwise you would never get to see. Some guy risks his life to swim, with a camera, through a pack of giant jellyfish just so we can all see what it's like without having to do anything. It's amazing! I'm never going to swim through a pack of giant jellyfish! And the fact that it's legitimately real makes it so worthwhile.

I've recently gotten hooked on the series 30 Days.

It's made by the guy who did the film "Supersize Me." Basically he spends 30 days living the life of others. For example, I watched an episode last night where he spent 30 days in prison, including 3 days in solitary confinement. It's really interesting. I also recommend the episode where he spends 30 days trying to live on minimum wage.

It's really eye-opening stuff and it makes me feel super smart just to sit there in my chair and smugly think about how I'm all intellectual because I watch documentaries in my free time. And that's when I started developing a British accent and referring to movies as "films."

---

Did girls think back then?

2009-09-28T16:40:00.006-06:00

Many of you are probably aware, by now, of the recent release of the Beatles version of Rock Band.

One of my buddies bought it and set it up in his place with his fancy-shmancy projector and surround sound system, and we made a party of it. It was way fun.

I think it's actually the first time I've played Rock Band and actually enjoyed it. Why? Because the Beatles' songs are actually singable. That's right. You can actually sing along with them instead of awkwardly trying to scream some non-melodic line that's annoying and out of range.

So the game is really well done, and it got me curious enough to look up the Beatles on Youtube to see just what they were really like in concert... I mean obviously I've never seen them because I was still dead at the time.

It's actually remarkably entertaining. Their performances were just fine, but what really amazes me is the audience. Take a look (trust me, it's worth watching):

It's just incredible to me how much the times have changed. Of course there are still rock stars that people go crazy for, but not like this. I mean the girls in this video are seriously freaking out. I can't hardly believe it. It's already enough that they're dressed funny, but seeing how ridiculously over-the-top emotional they are for some guys they've never met...

I can only imagine that it must have something to do with the fact that music wasn't nearly as accessible back then. I think that the internet has given people more freedom to choose what it is that they actually enjoy listening to, instead of just having the radio convince everyone that they must like the Beatles because there are no other options.

Today there doesn't seem to be any one group or musician or genre that everyone loves... or even anything close to a majority of people, and I think it's better that way.

Although I would love to go to a Cold Play concert sometime and see a bunch of girls balling their eyes out and eating their hats.

---

I'm not OCD I just like things to be perfect.

2009-09-28T00:44:00.002-06:00

Every time I've ever gone to church, I've always been a little bothered by the fact that organ pipes are arranged in a way to appear symmetrical, and they're not. They're always off by just a little tiny bit.

Does no one else get bothered by this?

These are the organ pipes in the building I go to on Sundays. I have a hard time paying attention because of them.

If you're thinking of telling me that it can't be symmetrical because they're all different lengths, don't.

It's almost like if they had decided to build all the windows crooked or make the walls not quite square. I think it would be better if they just put them in a line from biggest to smallest. At least then it wouldn't look like it's pretending to look good.

---

Blood makes the grass grow

2009-09-26T14:46:00.008-06:00

The homecoming game was last night, and by that I mean the annual flag football game between the Los Angeles 1st ward (my ward) and the Santa Monica 3rd, the two main singles wards in LA. They used to actually be the same ward, and then when they split, rivalries formed, friendships were lost, and hatred spread abroad.

No seriously, by watching this game, and especially playing in it, you would think that you had just gotten caught in the middle of the apocalypse.

I don't know what the deal is, but they were playing pretty dirty. It had to be the most violent game of "flag" football ever played. A lot of people got hurt, including one of our guys getting knocked out. They even tackled one of our guys at one point. That's just a cheap shot if you ask me. You don't tackle in flag football. Especially co-ed.

Nevertheless, we won, and it was glorious. It actually was a big deal because LA 1st hasn't won for years, mostly because their ward is twice our size, which I shouldn't care about since I just moved here... but I do.

I think we had the advantage this year because the other team were all so freaking full of themselves... thinking it would be an easy victory. Psssh. The final score was like 43 to 40 or something like that. We scored in the last 7 seconds. It was amazing, and I don't even like football.

I have a hard time taking football seriously. It's just so... dry. You play for like 12 seconds and then stop and do nothing for a minute or two... you get no cardio... you usually get hurt... a game that is supposedly only one hour long takes freaking four hours to play. Four hours! And the only reason the players can go for that long is because they don't do anything.

Anyway, it was all a lot bigger than I anticipated. we had uniforms, concessions...we even had mascots. We're the LA Gators, and they're the Silver Monkeys. Don't ask.

---

Zig.

2009-09-25T14:46:00.002-06:00

I was driving home on the freeway yesterday and I saw that the traffic going the other direction was being moderated by a cop driving in a zigzag formation across all four or five lanes.

I'm not really sure what that could really do to help the traffic situation here, because it seemed to just slow everyone down a lot. There was no one in front of the cop, and I think that his zig-zagging was making everyone behind him go about 2 MPH.

Not to mention that it must get really old to be constantly turning back and forth like that.

---

What's in your wallet?

2009-09-24T19:34:00.003-06:00

Never put all your eggs in one basket, especially if that basket is in the form of a small, easy-to-lose wallet.

Don't worry, I found it, but it was an awakening experience. Not only do I have all the money that I've earned in the last two weeks in my wallet, since I've been paid in cash and haven't gone to the bank yet, but there's also my driver's license, credit card, a little paper with all my user accounts and passwords in case I forget them, and for some weird reason my social security card.

Why do I carry around my SS card? I don't. Not after yesterday. I just realized that if my wallet fell into the wrong hands, I would be completely and totally screwed for all time and eternity.

I got home yesterday, realized I didn't have it anymore, even though I used it at Wendy's a few hours before. Turns out it was in my friend's gravel driveway, discovered only because his dad tripped over it at 10pm.

Just some food for thought. I'm definitely taking some stuff out of my wallet.

---

I'm fine. Why?

2009-09-22T12:39:00.003-06:00

I don't know anyone that doesn't enjoy getting some form of correspondence from a friend, whatever form it may take.

But one thing that I certainly don't enjoy getting is a message or a FB post or email, or whatever, that says this:

"Hey. How's life?"

Of course no one would ever ask me that unless they were at least a little interested to know how my life actually is... but truthfully I don't think that there are very many people out there that want to write an essay about their current life to someone who barely took 5 seconds to say anything at all. I mean when you look at that question and think about it, it really says absolutely nothing.

We're talking about substance.

I believe that a friendship, or any relationship, should be an equal 1:1 - give:take ratio. If you want to receive a meaningful response from someone, I think you should give a meaningful question. The aforementioned question does not qualify.

Really, almost anything is more worthwhile to me than someone basically saying this:

"I don't want to put any thought or effort into writing anything but I want you to give me something thought-provoking and heart-warming to read, to light up my life and bring me peace and bliss."

I don't think so. In fact I'd bet that most people respond by saying this:

"Good. You?"

And now you've both established that neither of you have anything worth talking about and either your friendship is meaningless or your lives are just really boring.

Say something funny, ask something specific about that person, tell an interesting story about your own life.... whatever. Just show that you actually have a personality!

Think I'm just being grumpy? I'm open to comments.

---

Burt The Goldfish

2009-09-21T22:49:00.003-06:00

I witnessed death yesterday.

I was eating dinner with a friend of mine when her goldfish, "Burt", struggling for life, finally let go of this mortal coil and passed on.

Firstly, it is important to note that this friend of mine, Shana, is uncontrollably dramatic in every facet of life, so you can imagine that while finding her goldfish dead would be dramatic in and of itself, watching him actually struggle and give up and die is ten times worse.

We actually watched as he would float at the top for a few seconds, taking slow breaths, make intermittent efforts to swim back down, then get exhausted and float back up... it was actually kind of sad.

So she told all of her friends this heart breaking story and they pretty much said the same thing that I said:

"He's in a better place now."

But then Shana brought up an excellent point. What was so bad about this place? Didn't she give him everything a gold fish could ever want and need to be happy?

Really when you think about it, it's almost sort of an insult to tell people that, true as it may be.

She was a little hurt that everyone seemed to unanimously agree that wherever Burt is now, and no one actually knows where that is, is obviously much better than it was living with Shana.

I thought it was all pretty funny. And that's when we made a live narration of the events with an improvised soundtrack on the piano.

---

Good ol Kirby

2009-09-18T22:17:00.004-06:00

Hey there, friends.

Speaking of friends, I went with some of them into Hollywood last night to watch a live improv competition.

The thing that I love about live improv is that even though the jokes aren't nearly as funny as something pre-written, the fact that they're being made up on the spot makes them infinitely more entertaining.

Think about "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Well as it turns out, there's a team from Utah that's competing to make it into the 2010 Los Angeles Live Improv Big Huge Whatever Thing.... It's something big and you have to win 10 shows in a row to even make it in. They won their 7th consecutive show last night, which was well deserved. I laughed my freaking face off.

In the team were a couple "celebrities" that no one's ever heard of before unless they're mormon... like Kirby Heyborne, who is incredibly funny. Seriously, that guy just makes me laugh.

I never really thought he was that hilarious in his movies, but in person, I thought I might have exploded.
The competition is simple. Each team just goes up and improvises off of one thing that the audience says, for 20 minutes. Each team has their own 20 minutes... it's not combined. At the end, the audience votes on which team was funnier.

Seriously, they destroyed the other team. And what really makes me happy is that all of their humor is completely clean... they don't use any swear words or risque humor. The crowd was dying. (laughing)

Their competition was swearing left and right and resorting to dirty jokes to get a laugh. They had a few funny moments, but they had no chance at winning.

Speaking of humor, the sidewalks on Hollywood Blvd have these stars embedded in them and we found the one for Chris Farley, a legend in the halls of stupid humor.

In other news, yesterday I went to the temple that's two blocks away from my apartment. Amazingly beautiful building. This picture doesn't do it justice.

Not so beautiful is the food that I had for lunch today. I went and continued working for a friend of mine whose dad is building a quansit hut. We went to a place called Tommy's. They serve chili-cheesburgers.

An actual cheeseburger, and they pour chili into it. Not the healthiest food on the planet.
You use your french fries to eat the chili and then bite into the burger whenever that becomes a possibility.
Tastey? Yes. It's really quite good.

Healthy? Doesn't even pretend to be.

A good idea when you're in the middle of working construction and it's literally 102 degrees outside? NO.

Not at all.

---

Crazy Night on the Towne

2009-09-17T13:26:00.007-06:00

It's kinda' weird being so close to Hollywood, which is yet another thing that for some reason I never felt like it actually existed.

And no matter how many times I hear it, I never get used to people telling me,

"oh yeah I work in Hollywood."

And I'm all like, "Woooooo! Look at you! You work in Hooolllllywoooooodd!"

And they're like, "I'm a bank teller."

For some reason whenever I thought about Hollywood I always pictured it being some glittery city with streets of gold and tons of famous people wearing big sunglasses all over the place walking around with cameras all over them and lots of animated animals helping you get dressed in the morning with cheerful little birds tweeting away as they bring you your coat and hat, singing a happy working song.

Who knew. They actually have some normal stuff there, like grocery stores.

It's a fun place to be, though. We went to dinner and then to a bar with lots of really funny semi-drunk people singing karaoke as we played pool. This is Shana playing pool:
And this is Shana trying to take a picture of me playing pool:
And then there was this really big sign that we took some jumping shots in front of. As it turns out, it's remarkably difficult to get a good jumping shot when the camera is on a 10-second timer because you want everyone to be in it.

And this is Dan in mid-air behind Shana and Beth.

This is me after leaving the bar. As you can see, I didn't know when to quit.

And evidently neither did Shana. This is her trying to climb into the car through the sun roof.

You see? Who needs alcohol? I think we actually have more fun being completely sober and strangely hyper, and then there's the added bonus that we can remember what happened the next day!

---

Dis iz why I'm phat.

2009-09-16T15:49:00.003-06:00

I've become a fan, recently, of eating the quantity that you need, and not more.

This really comes into play in Italian type restaurants that give you bread and oil just for gracing them with your presence. I often find that after eating a few pieces of bread, drinking some water which seems to make things expand, and then getting an appetizer, like a soup or salad and such, I'm perfectly fine.

I think I've been in denial my entire life, and I'm just now realizing that I don't really like being stuffed. Not only does it contribute to weight gain, but it sort of immobilizes you for a while.

What if I got attacked by a team of ninjas on my way home? I wouldn't stand a chance if I can't even move because of the food baby that I'm carrying around.

I went to a restaurant a couple nights ago with a little group of friends and they served us bread and oil... you know just saying that makes me feel like I went to go visit Jerusalem of old...

"We entered therein, and begged of them give us of your bread, and your fine oils, that we may eat and be fed..."

NOTE: if you don't read the bible, you won't find that quote funny.

This bread had yeast in it though, which is always a plus.

So yeah, they gave us some bread, and I was drinking a lot of water, and then I ordered the shrimp appetizer and the waiter was like, "is that all?" Of course that's all, you fool! I didn't really like that waiter very much. And they took 17.5% gratuity.

Here's my appetizer:

And here's my friend Tippe eating her weird nasty oily deep fried plantains.

And this is Dan, whose parents I worked for this week. Imagine him after he's had 4 Dr Peppers.
But I was totally full when we left. Which makes perfect sense because it was just as much, in fact probably more than what I ever eat at home.

I don't like that we've been trained to over-eat. I say eat what you need to, and then stop. If you have trouble walking afterward, you've gone too far.

---

The Quansit Hut

2009-09-15T22:39:00.002-06:00

It's always funny to me when I read blogs and the writer apologizes to me for missing a day, or apologizes or warns me in advance that they won't be posting because they'll be out of town and stuff, as if my entire life involves sitting in a black box waiting for this one soul to post something on their blog and be that one glimpse of light in an otherwise dark and meaningless existence.

Nope. Nobody cares.

That said, it does make me sad when I miss a day, not because I think anyone will notice, but rather it ruins what would otherwise have been a perfect month for me.

Does that matter? No. I realize this.

But it's just that part of my inner being that simply will not, nay, cannot, be pacified unless numbers are even, colors match, lines are straight, etc.

Anyway, one of my buddies was talking to me at a party I went to last Saturday night, and he had consumed 4 Dr Peppers at the time, and didn't make much sense at all, but he said that he had a "proposition for me."

Whatever he said after that is now a blur, in fact it was a blur then as well, but I heard the words parents' house, building, manual labor, aircraft hanger, and dollars per hour.

I like building stuff, I can always use the money, and I had nothing better to do anyway.

So the last couple days have been spent building this thing. It's called a "quansit hut", so I'm told, but I refer to it as a "shed-zilla." It looks like something that should come together pretty fast... like a two day project.

Nope. It's taken us two full days to put up just six of those rows. It's a constant process of moving the scaffold, climbing the scaffold, putting in bolts every 6 inches, climbing back down, moving it again, repeat.
The great thing is that they're really nice to me and at lunch time, my friend's dad was like, "Alright, get in the car, let's go get some sushi!"

Yeah, sushi. How often does that ever happen in the middle of working construction? I remember working construction in High School and usually one of us would drive to the nearest Jack In The Box and buy lots of $1 sandwiches.
Not us. No sir. We dine in style. You gotta' eat right when you're building shedzillas.

---

It just keeps getting better.

2009-09-13T12:31:00.004-06:00

You can buy pretty much anything you want in LA on Craigslist. Due to the high population of this place, you can find whatever you're looking for within a 24 hour period.

I've been looking for an office chair. I've just been sitting on my piano bench and my back hurts after a while. I know, it's a rough life. But it's like if you're sitting at your desk job all day and there's no back on your chair. Just a hard stool. And you have to wear one of those pointy hats.

I offered to buy 10, TEN, different office chairs from people on Craigslist. Half of them didn't respond and then the other half wrote back about 6 hours later saying,

"oh sorry, I just barely sold it about three minutes ago!"

Riiiiight. So you couldn't sell it to me six hours ago, because...?

Anyway I was in my friend's car yesterday driving home and I saw this chair at a yard sale, hopped out and bought it for $15. It was worth every penny.

Seriously, you can't imagine how happy it makes me.
It brings joy where once there was sorrow.
It brings light where once I tread in darkness.
Where there was pain: comfort.
Where there was rancor: peace.

And of course yesterday was one of those days when I did a lot of awesome stuff, but for some reason when I was leaving the house I looked at my camera and I was like,

"meh. I won't need you today, little friend."

And the whole day I was like,

"DAH! WHY didn't I bring you, camera, why did I turn from you in my darkest hour!"

Like for example we drove right by the premiere of Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, and saw the red carpet and all that neat stuff that for some reason I never really thought existed until now.

Never again, camera, never again.

---

Culture

2009-09-12T11:14:00.004-06:00

I decided to get classy the other day and experiment with some fine wine and cheese because it was on sale. Here's a picture I found online to give you an idea of what I was thinking:

Here's a picture that I took of what I was actually eating:

Anyway, I got to go visit the UCLA campus yesterday, which has some cool looking buildings. This picture doesn't really do it justice. But it's a nice place.

---

I'll remember all you little people.

2009-09-11T13:42:00.002-06:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, friends, but I honestly feel like I might be the very first person in this world to eat a Jennie-O Turkey Frank (88 cents for a pack of 10), on all-natural 7-grain bread. With Mexican blend cheese, no less.

Setting world records can be difficult these days, so you have to take what you can get.

---

It's like 666 upside down! Awesome!

2009-09-10T12:22:00.004-06:00

I'm sure there were lots of little kids that turned nine years old yesterday... but somewhere, somewhere on this earth, there was someone that turned nine years old at exactly 9:09 and 9 seconds, either am or pm.

That blessed soul gets the honor of telling everyone that he or she turned 9 years old on 09-09-09 at 9:09 and 9 seconds. Awesome.

My friend Martha threw a 09-09-09 party last night and it was great. Best party I went to all day in fact. She did a remarkably good job of sticking to the theme, as you can see in the decorations. Yes, those lights are streamed with paper cutouts of the number 9. Also, a lot of people were "dressed to the nines." Very clever.

9-layer bean dip, and "love potion #9".
Lots of fantastic treats.
A few peeps. This is Martha, the party thrower of the century:

Tune in next year folks for the 10-10-10 party. It's gonna' be 1.11111111111 times as cool!

MAh ha ha meh buh mwa ha ha ha nha gya ha ha ha. So funny!

---

sending...

2009-09-09T17:41:00.002-06:00

I heard that Mark Zuckerberg, the owner of Facebook, is worth about $6 billion.

Tell me, Mark, after having gotten the whole country hooked on your remarkably effective social network, after having bought loads of servers to support all the gagillions of photos and videos being shared, not to mention all the programming and technical support that must go on non-stop, and after becoming filthy freaking rich so that no one in your line of posterity will ever have to work ever again until the second coming....

After all that, you can't spare a little pocket change, and by that I mean like a million dollars, to create a chat program that doesn't completely suck?

Honestly, how long does it take for computers these days to send this line of text to each other:

"Hey dude, wasssup?"

How many ones and zeros is that? Like 30 or 40? Even on a slow day, when my connection is only giving me 1 KB per second, thus 1,000 bits per second, by my calculations it should take a grand total of .04 seconds. Am I wrong?

Why, then, is it necessary to sit there and do nothing for like a whole minute while I just read an obnoxious little "sending..." note? Or if you have the pirate translation, "firing..."

Nevermind that it's almost always one-way, so one person sits there getting angry at life, trying to respond while the other person's messages are coming through just fine.

Or when it happens to the other person it just looks like they're typing for like 3 minutes straight, and you're all like, "oh sweet, I hope it's good... whatever they're typing... I hope it's amazing..." and it just ends up being this:

"yeah."

And THEN, when your message does get through, they never seem to be in the right order. And it's a miracle if they all make it through to begin with. And it's even worse when it will get stuck on one message and send the rest of them, and then send that one message like 2 minutes later when it's completely irrelevant, or worse, completely out of context.

Sure, you have millions of people chatting all at the same time, I understand that. So why not just send an email to AIM, or Google, and be like,

"so, hey, uh, this is Facebook. Just wondering what you did to make your chat program function like it was built sometime after the 70's. Just get back to me when you get a chance. Thanks."

I'm sure they'd be willing to help out. We're all in this together.

---

The IN-N-OUT experience.

2009-09-08T11:55:00.005-06:00

I feel like In-n-Out is not so much a fast food restaurant as it is a false idol for Californians. I went last night with a friend of mine who I shall call Martha, because that's her name.
Red and yellow kind of clash. Does no one else see this?
Part of the reason I went is because I was tired of everyone looking at me like some sort of scary alien bug when they hear that I have never been before. The other reason is that B. Walker bought me a gift card to the place for my birthday when he found out I was moving down here to LA.

I'm still not sure where he bought it, since that was in Provo.

As I've mentioned before, the hype and all the unbelievable hyperbolization I've heard about this place is ridiculous. It tastes good, but it's still fast food.

I am kind of impressed by the fact that a lot of things that you can order aren't on the menu, and yet everyone knows about them. There aren't even any hints or clues around or anything. There are a grand total of I think four things to choose from, which are

Hamburger
Cheeseburger
Fries
Drink

That's seriously all it says, and yet you can be all sneaky and order it "animal style" or get double stacks, or triple stacks, or quadruple stacks, or however many you feel like you need in order to shave a couple years off your lifespan.
I was educated before hand so it came naturally to say "I would like a cheeseburger, animal style, with some fries, also animal style, and a strawberry vanilla mix shake."

When you think about it though, it is considerably better than your typical burger joint, like Jack in the Box, or McDonald's or whatever, and the cost is about the same. Nevertheless, I feel that the main reason all Californians are obsessed with this place is because it's mostly only in Calfornia.

It seems as though a lot of people here have an unhealthy amount of pride in their state... I mean at least they have some things to be legitimately proud of, like Hollywood, amazing beaches, etc.

So it's not like annoying Texas where everyone's like "Don't mess with us! Ha ha yeah! Texas! No one messes with Texas! ha ha we're the biggest... oh wait no we're not cause Alaska is three times bigger...but we have horses!"

I think the reason no one messes with Texas is cause it sucks. How often do you ever hear your college friends say "Hey come on we're taking a crazy spontaneous road trip to Texas! These are the best years of our lives!"

You also might notice that no one ever messes with Minnesota. Doesn't make it cool.

One of my more flattering pictures.

All in all, I enjoyed it. It was good tasting, horribly unhealthy food. But I think it will take me a little more time before I start sacrificing sheep to it.

---

Three entries for the price of one!

2009-09-07T18:53:00.004-06:00

Grapes

Here's a question for you:

Considering that grapevines are vegetatively propagated by cutting, thus they need no seeds to reproduce, why does anyone still grow seeded grapes?

It has to be one of life's most bitter disappointments to bite down on a big, cold, delicious grape only to find that it is riddled with seeds. I've never met a soul that was like,

"Ew, gross, this grape doesn't have any seeds. There's nothing to stop me from enjoying it. No thank you."

Anyway I was just thinking about that because I bought some grapes the other day for 49 cents per pound. They're great.

The Internet

In other news, you haven't heard from me all weekend, not because I had no time, but simply cause I had no internet, which, when you're waiting for a very important email from a potential employer, causes an incredible amount of stress.

I was borrowing internet from someone else, somewhere, who has a non-secured router, but it died. I'm now borrowing from my nextdoor neighbors, with permission. Why don't I just get my own internet? Because I live in California, and the soonest anyone can ever do anything is always about 2 weeks away.

"Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere!"

I'm a Dapper Dan man. That's right, I called the internet people, and they're going to send someone out here to... what.. flip a switch?... in two weeks. Go switch-flipper man! Go!

Pizza

In happier news, I made a pizza the other day. A friend of mine has a kitchen, and air conditioning. That alone makes her worth so much of my time and pizza making talents. Plus, she makes pizza too. So we made one on Saturday.

It's kind of frightening how much she reminds me of Marissa Valenga.
She has this weird thing were she only likes to eat pizza "the Italian way", blah blah blah which means that the only toppings she likes to have are fresh mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, and basil. Boring. And she was even against stuffed crust. So sad...
So we compromised and decided to make 5/8 of the pizza my way and 3/8 her way. We both had a slice of each and we both think our own way is better... so .... yeah mine is better.

Her's was kinda' plain, I won't lie. Fresh mozzarella doesn't have very much flavor. I could taste the dough more than anything, and it all just seemed like a nice little appetizer for the next slice.

If that doesn't make you hungry, I'll have you know that tonight, for the first time in my life, I'm going to go to In 'n Out.

Be ready for more on that tomorrow, but I can already tell you that in order to live up to all the hype and exaggeration I've heard about it the whole time I was in college, it would have to be better than the fruit of life.

---

I'm pretty much famous already.

2009-09-04T12:42:00.006-06:00

So the reason I went to Hollywood the other day was so that I could sign up with a "talent" agency to find work as a movie extra. They find gigs for you to do, and you give them 10% of whatever you earn. Doesn't cost a thing to sign up. That's how it should be.

But when I went in for my "interview", they actually had me read a monologue for them. I didn't want to be annoying because they seemed pretty busy, but why on earth do I need to read a monologue in order to be an extra? Extras don't talk!

Not to mention I'm easily one of the worst actors this planet has ever seen. All I want to do is sit in the background and drink some pop. Simple as that. And get paid for it.

So I tried to take it seriously though in my head I'm thinking "YAY for really poopy acting!"

Fortunately, poopy acting is good enough for extras these days because they called me back and said that I made "the cut", which evidently was only 27 of the 73 people that auditioned! HA! So how bad were the rest of them? Could they not read? Did they throw up all over their monologue sheet or something?

Anyway, they said that I had to bring in a headshot. For those unfamiliar, a headshot is a pretty big deal in the acting world, and people often pay around $400 or more to get a professional one taken. I did some research and the cheapest price I could find was $150 for one shot, and they don't even print it up for you. And it even said "20 minute time limit." Woah, sorry, didn't realize you need $450 per hour to get by in this city...

Seriously, I have respect for photographers, but the headshot business is a scam around here.
Needless to say, I'm not about to pay a whole month's worth of groceries just for a picture of my face, just so I can be an extra and make like $85 per day. No thank you.

So you can probably guess what I spent my morning doing yesterday. Here's a shot of my newly-made, professional photo studio. (the camera sits on top of the briefcase. I had to use it to take this picture.) I take Visa and Mastercard if you need a session. It's $800 per minute.

So I took a few shots of my head and grabbed one that I felt like I could live with, not because of my facial expression but simply because it's one of the only ones that didn't come out blurry, or overexposed, or have a bug flying through it, etc.

Then I had to go through the painfully tedious process of outlining my head, including all my individual hairs, using my mouse. I hate doing that. I did it for my pictures on my website too.

Add a nice black background.

Do a tiny bit of color enhancement, crop it, add my name to the bottom and skih-DOOSH!

A highly professional headshot, perfect for a budding young extra in the movie bizz.

For those of you who don't know, Photoshop is way too much fun once you learn how to use it, so I was super tempted to change my eye color or have a bug crawling out of my forehead or something...

I printed it out at Staples. Cost me $1.20. It's a lot, I know, but I consider it to be a very important investment for my acting career. I think it will pay for itself in the end. We'll see.

---

I might just retire soon.

2009-09-03T15:47:00.007-06:00

Well, ladies and gents, good news. Only one week after I called the gas company, they finally sent someone out here to flip a switch so that I can cook my food.

It's true, my standard of living is constantly on the rise.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I made myself a hearty helping of macaroni noodles.
Turns out it's remarkably difficult to get a picture of me and the noodles in one shot.

And of course I ate it all in one sitting. Mmmmm mmmm.

Some people find this annoying about me, but I have this curse that makes it impossible for me to ignore typos. Seriously, I could make a whole blog and update it three times a day with just pictures of all the typos I see in the world.

My boss over the summer eventually started sending emails to me before sending them out to clients because he got tired of me pointing out all sorts of mistakes after it was too late.

Don't get me wrong. I don't care about when I'm chatting with a buddy online or something, but when I see legitimate advertisements, especially ones like this one which are already annoying, and they have a typo in their title line, I'm like, "Dude, who's your editor?" Especially when you consider that Facebook advertisements are super expensive, like a dollar per click, or so I've been told.

It's ones like this that I click on just to make them pay a dollar.

Fact Of Life: Models don't use online dating sites to meet people.

I wish, just once, that someone would put an online dating ad up on Facebook and have a picture of some 30-year-old living with his parents and playing World of Warcraft with Cheetos powder all over his fingers. Actually I should be careful because that might be me pretty soon if I don't find a job... I do enjoy a good bag of Cheetos...

---

Kid, we're gonna make you a stah'!

2009-09-02T19:36:00.003-06:00

I went to Hollywood today, and just to make sure that everyone believes me I took a gloriously smoggy picture. You'll probably have to squint to see it but that is in fact the Hollywood sign in this picture. The Hollywood sign.

Amazing, I know.

I could be cool too!

2009-09-01T16:53:00.002-06:00

I was cruising some jobs online today and I'm constantly amazed that on Craigslist, in LA, the film/TV/radio listings has an awful lot of jobs that belong in the "adult" section.

My favorite are the ones that call for "actors", to star in a "film", and to be considered you have to send them at least two pictures of yourself completely naked.

You betcha! I've got tons of naked pictures. No.

Even if I was an attractive female, with no morals, desperate for work, I would not send pictures of myself naked to someone on Craigslist. I think that even the dumbest of our society can see some red flags there...

But also unique to LA are the job postings for stuff like "party promoter" where it's your job basically just to know lots of attractive people and get them to come to parties. The description usually involves something like, "You must bring at least 25 attractive, classy, witty, wealthy friends to each event, who are able and willing to spend money on expensive champagne."

Here's one I found today that I thought was interesting. If you're an attractive girl, you can be a professional trophy wife! Just date one of these millionaires until they get tired of you. At least this way you'll know for sure that you are there for absolutely nothing more than your looks. That's honesty at its best.

Too bad they don't have that one for guys... I feel like I could make a good career out of that.

---

My new couch-bed-dining table!

2009-08-31T15:20:00.004-06:00

L.A. seems to have this underground couch exchange constantly going on that I just became aware of last night. Evidently, if you have a couch that you no longer want, you can just put it out on the curb and then whoever wants it can just come along and take it.

Someone in my ward gave me a call last night because he knew that I don't have any furniture at all except for my keyputer, and someone was moving out just a couple of blocks from where I live and no longer wanted their old poopy couch.

I had just barely gotten home at the time, so I ran over to where it was, grabbed the cushions and ran back to my apartment, laughing like a bandit the whole way.

I then ran back and grabbed one of the sections and tried to laugh like a bandit as I carried it awkwardly back to my place, but it was a little more difficult than I had expected, so my laughing was more of a grunt. So then I called the guy who tipped me off, and he came back with his truck and helped me move the rest of it.

Admittedly, it's one of the ugliest and least comfortable couches I've ever seen, what with it not having a back or anything, but I think that with a few well placed blankets/couch covers, and some new pillows to act as back cushions, it could be a nice addition to this place. I covered one piece with a tapestry that I have, and I think it would look okay if I can find a couple more like it.

Beggars can't be choosers. I'm just happy that I can sit on it.

I can't wait for Winter.

2009-08-30T13:12:00.003-06:00

I have a few goals that I want to accomplish here within the next year or so, the newest of which is to move somewhere that has good reliable air conditioning. I find that there simply is no escape from the horrendously annoying heat that permeates this crowded city.

However, since that is not currently an option, I had to get creative yesterday. I spent the whole day sitting at my... studio?...computer?... I don't know what to call it. Since it's not really a studio, but it is indeed a combination of a keyboard and computer, among other things, it shall hereafter be known as my "Keyputer."

So I was sitting at my keyputer the whole day working on a short film for somebody, trying to be creative and write music without getting my keyputer all messy from my own sweat. I suddenly really like to say "keyputer." It's catchy. So I went to my room looking for some extraneous fabric, and the best I could find was a couple pairs of old boxer-briefs, which are clean, but old nonetheless and I don't really use them anymore.

So I got them all wet and put them in the freezer. I then spent the remainder of the day wearing said frozen boxers on my head to keep me cool. When one would start to warm up, I would just go to the freezer and switch it with the other.

It wasn't too bad. I mean it's not perfect, but it certainly kept my head cool and allowed me to focus enough to get some work done. It's about 80 to 85 degrees in my apartment all the time. I prefer it to be about 65.

Keep in mind that I live alone... in fact I didn't see a single soul the entire day. But I imagine that if someone walked in on me they'd be a little weirded out when they saw me sitting there recording music in my PJ's with boxers on my head.

The good news is that in the midst of all my boxer wearing I got the opportunity to utilize my new-found guitar playing skills. I'm working on a short western style film, which I've never done before so it's a learning experience for me, and I'm actually having a lot of fun with it... not to mention that I'm getting paid. That's always a plus.

---

80's party.

2009-08-29T13:48:00.003-06:00

I went to an "80's party" last night. I obviously didn't dress up, for the following reasons:

I hate the 80's
I certainly don't own any 80's paraphernalia
I still don't feel comfortable walking down the street in LA dressed normally, let alone dressed as a weirdo.

But when I got there I actually felt like it was more of a costume party. I got to meet some cool people and I took a few pictures.

There were some other pretty sweet get-ups but I felt awkward taking pictures of people that I don't know.

Other interesting attractions included a vintage, original Nintendo hooked up with people playing Mario Brothers, lots of wretchedly horrible 80's music, couches to sit on... something you don't appreciate until it's gone... and some very delicious food.

---

My non-hard-to-read blog.

2009-08-28T21:03:00.004-06:00

As I was sitting on the floor eating my cheerios this morning, I was reading the back of the box and I noticed this:

You'll notice it says "... cereal helps makes it..."

It hurts my feelings to see typos like that. People always like to argue with me when I point out grammatical or spelling errors, but this time, it's indisputable. A legitimate typo that's probably been printed hundreds of thousands of times.

Not to mention that they're already making up words that seem to be geared towards the lowest level of intelligence in our society, like "non-challenge."

That's their campaign at the moment: "Eating Cheerios makes lowering your cholesterol a non-challenge." Brilliant.

That makes me wish I had been there to watch them come up with it. The reason I find it so amusing is because it sounds exactly like something I would say in a brainstorming session for the sole purpose of being funny.

THEM: "Well, let's emphasize that our product makes it easier to lower your cholesterol. People think it's more challenging than it actually is. It's not a challenge."

ME: "Yeah. It's like, a non-challenge."

THEM: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stop being so silly, Steve. This is serious."

THE GUY IN CHARGE: "No no, wait, I think he might be onto something here..."

In other news, I've officially lowered my standards, involuntarily, because I had to buy bottled water. Such a scam. I can't believe it. My whole life I've thought that bottled water is the dumbest thing ever invented, and yet so many people pay good money for it... often times more than they pay for almost any other liquid, including gasoline, milk... even drinks that consist of stuff added to water, like pop and juice.

But it was either that or die of lead poisoning. I figure I'll just do it until I run out of money, and then die of lead poisoning.

---

Life, and all its ups and downs

2009-08-27T23:48:00.003-06:00

So I always thought that BYU had the monopoly on ridiculously talented, and possibly unhealthily addicted, frisbee players. You know what I'm talking about. Ultimate Frisbee. It's like a crippling disease in Provo.

Well, tonight, my eyes were opened.

I went and played some frisbee with a bunch of people from the ward here, and I've never known the game to be so extreme. They all had cleats, they brought cones for the end zones, and the part that I really didn't see coming... they had formations.

I never knew. I mean even some of the best people that I played with at the Y didn't do that. But these guys have it down to an art form. They make formations in the middle of the field and then branch out to the sides and they're very particular about it. After about 15 seconds they realized that I was not one of them, so they stopped the game to teach me.

It changed my world forever, and I still feel unworthy to call myself a frisbee player ever again.

Actually I didn't end up playing for very long because I rotated out, and then I ended up having a deep theological discussion with a girl who came that is not a member of my church. First time that's happened in like four years. A nice change of pace.

Wait, there's more. Today the landlord's assistant, Mr. Nickles, came by and dropped off a microwave! Best day of my life! I can actually eat frozen burritos now without them being frozen! How often does that ever happen? Eh? Eh?

Which brings me to my next point... what on earth does it take to be a notary public? or whatever you call them... I had to get a document notarized today so as to make all my car problems float away like a butterfly, and the closest place I found was some guy that doesn't hardly even speak English, and he had me translate for him after staring at it for like 10 minutes. He put information in the wrong spaces, wrote his entire address as "Los Angeles", and then finally just stamped it. With a stamp that just says his name and address.

Charged me 10 dollars.

WHY? What is the purpose of this? Anyone can do that! I could have done it. Evidently the state of Washington thinks it's imperative that I pay some guy from India to stamp my paper, which literally says nothing more than this:

"I have read this paper, and I have stamped it."

Now it's good to go! Now it can be sent to the DOL in Washington where someone can actually process it and make some sort of purposeful result. But without that stamp? Hopeless.

---

La la la la la la I sing to keep from going insane.

2009-08-26T22:44:00.002-06:00

Well I finally had my first job interview today. It went well but I never count my chickens before they hatch. Ever.

In fact I usually try to assume the very worst so I have only to be pleasantly surprised, no matter what happens.

And, unfortunately, I won't get to know much about this particular job for a week or two. But that's okay because my entire life I've always wanted to be an extra in a movie, so I think I might look into doing that pretty soon. Or at least as soon as I get my car registration sorted out. I swear it couldn't possibly be more complicated.

I'm no B Walker, with all manner of flow charts and such, but here's a simple description of why California is dumb:

Take car to be registered in California
Can't register until passes SMOG check
Due to California's unrealistically high standards, no 1991 Honda Civic will ever pass their SMOG check.
Car fails the SMOG check.
Must take car to be smog repaired.
No mechanic is willing to do it. Evidently it's impossible.
Car cannot be registered in the state.
Soon my tabs will expire and my car will be towed because I park it on the street.

Supposedly, there is a rule that if you spend a certain amount of money towards fixing the smog problem, you can obtain a waiver and be allowed to register the car without passing the test. But I have looked all over the internet to find the amount, or the waiver form, or anything that resembles some sort of sliver of hope. It's a well kept secret, it seems.

If you have found it, please post a link to it in the comments below.

Other than that, my only options are to either sell the car and buy a new one, or register it in Washington and hope that I never get pulled over. Lovely.

---

Some people won't lie

2009-08-25T01:03:00.004-06:00

I was in church on Sunday and I had recently made a new friend who, as it turns out, is very honest and rather outspoken. I respect that.

But after we were sitting there for about a half hour or so, she leaned over to me and said;

"I think I might switch wards. There are NO hot guys in this ward."

This may or may not be true, I mean, I wouldn't be the one to ask. But I was amazed that she would tell this to me.... a guy.... in the ward...

---